North lincoln family medical

I am stuck and have asked everyone I know. I have seen how supportive this community has been and would really appreciate some perspectives!
27, Male, Quebec. Bought condo $300K last year. Value on market is now $370,000. 2 bedroom.
I have decided I no longer want to deal with the stress of paying $1500 for my Morgage every month and rather rent for $900 and do a lower paying job that makes me happier. I know a lot of people will argue that an extra $600 while owning your own thing is worth it. For me, I never plan to go back to a full time job. I want to go part time while building my business. I’ve done that before and tried out the whole career and owning ur home, destroyed my mental health. So I am looking at 2 options & would love some advice/thoughts!
I am currently unemployed and looking for a job.

1. Sell the condo and walk away with about $70,000. This is a number my agent calculated taking into consideration everything. I’ve only been a year in this condo so I’m surprised I’d make $10,000 + my down payment back. This will pay off my $12,000 credit card debt & $20,000 family debt + will give me lots of savings. I would then rent for $800-900 a month.
   
2. Rent it out and I rent elsewhere.
   

What makes it very difficult to decide is if I sell the condo and don’t plan to return to a career job, I would not be able to buy a condo again. I don’t care much. I don’t plan to have a family, I don’t want kids, and don’t plan to live with someone else. Living with a roommate in my condo is not an option for me due to medical reasons.

I am stuck and have asked everyone I know. I have seen how supportive this community has been and would really appreciate some perspectives!
27, Male, Quebec. Bought condo $300K last year. Value on market is now $370,000. 2 bedroom.
I have decided I no longer want to deal with the stress of paying $1500 for my Morgage every month and rather rent for $900 and do a lower paying job that makes me happier. I know a lot of people will argue that an extra $600 while owning your own thing is worth it. For me, I never plan to go back to a full time job. I want to go part time while building my business. I’ve done that before and tried out the whole career and owning ur home, destroyed my mental health. So I am looking at 2 options & would love some advice/thoughts!
I am currently unemployed and looking for a job.

1. Sell the condo and walk away with about $70,000. This is a number my agent calculated taking into consideration everything. I’ve only been a year in this condo so I’m surprised I’d make $10,000 + my down payment back. This will pay off my $12,000 credit card debt & $20,000 family debt + will give me lots of savings. I would then rent for $800-900 a month.
   
2. Rent it out and I rent elsewhere.
   

What makes it very difficult to decide is if I sell the condo and don’t plan to return to a career job, I would not be able to buy a condo again. I don’t care much. I don’t plan to have a family, I don’t want kids, and don’t plan to live with someone else. Living with a roommate in my condo is not an option for me due to medical reasons.

I have a lot of guilt and self-hate for blindly following our family therapist of 7 years which has caused immense pain and unnecessary suffering for me and my children. Kids are traumatized and don’t want to go into therapy ever again. I feel so so stupid.
Therapist felt like a friend but looking back I should have noticed red flags.
Things like persuading me that IEPs would ruin kids’ chances of getting into college so don’t get one.
Neurological assessments with different doctors who would be on the fence about autism but after collaborating with therapist who “knows them best” they convinced them that they didn’t have it. Said it’s also impossible for me to be ND as well. Therapist kept saying my child was odd because they are showing signs of developing schizophrenia.
Discouraged me from seeking a doctor for youngest child who struggled because they are too young for medication and a doctor wouldn’t prescribe any.
One dr was so convinced my child had autism and encouraged me to apply for services but therapist kept putting in my head it’s a difficult process and they wouldn’t qualify.
Friends and Reddit started opening up my eyes to red flags so we stopped seeing them. Found a different psychologist not under their influence and one child was diagnosed with ASD. Took other child to different psychologist just in case and they were also diagnosed. I’m also nd as well. And after years of mental breakdowns and failed lives all of a sudden there’s services available kids could have had this whole time.
Feel like a failure and can’t stop beating myself up for failing the kids. Want to seek therapist but can’t trust and am so hurt.

I don’t even know how to write this without it being long, so if you want to read thank you. If not I understand.
I’m 21 years old. My whole life growing up I dealt with lots of traumatic events, family fighting, being away from parents for long periods of time, going into my teen years having my mom become more and more emotionally abusive, manipulative, etc.
I met a girl at 16 I crushed on her for a year. Finally I texted her on snap and we just clicked. We ended up have the best relationship every. She was exactly like me. And she knew about my situation at home. Her family and her took me in with open arms and gave me love I’ve never even seen in my life before. It was a euphoric feeling for me.
We ended up dating for 5 years. I had a ring ready for her and everything. However throughout the years the dynamic of the relationship changed. I was the more popular outgoing class clown and she was the quieter kinda weird girl that didn’t have any friends. I accepted every single flaw and loved her whole heartedly for it. She started becoming better and better at makeup and I was her biggest fan routing her on constantly.
This allowed her to start getting more attention. She went from being super skinny to a healthier weight. As she got better at makeup and beauty she became less humble and more and more in love with herself. Started crossing more boundaries we’d previously agreed on and became more commanding and controlling.
I felt her love for me slowly lessen as each year progressed which began to destroy me inside. After all her family and her was all that I had left. I became overweight, insecure, an absolute shell of my former self. Self medicating with marijuana every day something I swore I’d never touch but became heavily dependent on. Lost all my friends, family, hobbies. I was nothing.
She started to act stranger and stranger. More reserved, always having her phone on her. I’ll never forget the day I caught her when she changed her password. My heart sank. I’ll never forget the day I saw a message from a man pop up and how she lied to my face looking deep into my eyes. And even with all this in my face I still trusted her and loved her.
She lied telling me we needed a break, told me I needed to move out knowing damn well I had no one to go to. And then finally broke my heart.
Getting a new man not even a month later, and becoming more and more verbally abusive to me after the breakup.
I chose this time with all this pain to work on myself. Even though I was going house to house sleeping on couches and floors, working construction everyday. I worked on myself like my life was on the line.
Lost 60 pounds, started taking mma consistently, ate super clean, read books, went into therapy. No hookups, no parties. Just hard work. Ironic enough her brother was dealing with heartbreak the same time as me and we became best friends through it.
But the dust has settled. It’s been 8-9 months since. There were times she’d call me randomly to try to convince me to come grab a shirt or some random favor, but she just wanted controls. I remember confronting her about it and it was as if she took a mask off and just blew up on me about the break up. I blocked her on everything. It was the hardest thing in the world because even through all that I still stupidly had some small hope left. She called me on a fake number and confronted me about some random topic trying to start an argument. I told her to move on and hung up on her.
She stalked me for a while with fake accounts or old accounts and still does from time to time.
It’s just weird man. I’m now in this constant state of physical improvement. For a while this helped with the pain. But idk it’s like the pain is worse now. I think because this was the version of me I wish I could’ve shown her. But then again, I think really I just want some sort of love. Some kind of support for all the sacrifices and struggle.
I’m terribly lonely now. My only real social times are work and mma classes. I don’t have many friends just one childhood friend that is flakey and my ex’s brother.
I feel so lost in the world. I know I’m a valuable man. I’m loyal to the bone, great with children, I am selfless and loving, can cook very well, I’m an artist, I can go on and on I’ve discovered lots about me on this self love journey. But deep down I’m scared to love again. It’s so weird I crave it so badly, just to be loved. Like real love. But I’m terrified of it. Because every single time I’d open my heart to love whether family, or friendship, or lover. It’s destroyed me.
My exes mom misses me dearly and texts me from time to time which makes me sob. She was the mother I’d always dreamed of man. God this hurts.
I know I have to keep fighting. I have to be strong. But man some days beat me down to a pulp.
If anyone else feels this way feel free to tell your own story…
Hopefully I can be rewarded for choosing a good path. Some day.

Hi, I’m posting this for my family.
Two years ago, we opened our homes to allow teens who just came to the US from China to live with us. Not like a foster care, but just to give them a place to live while we provide them with basic needs and drive them to school. We had a girl who came to live with us and throughout, she has been neglectful of her studies, etc. She has a bad relationship with her mother (important later on) and just won’t focus on her studies no matter what. She would play games on max volume at night and refuse to go to school the next day, saying she’s on her period, feels sick, etc. We’ve provided her medication during times like that and have confronted her about it but anytime we talk to her, she just answers with “ok” “whatever” and refuses to talk to us.
Throughout the majority of the two years, we have either made her food (which she would usually not eat and leave it to mold in her room) and she ends up ordering her own food or order food for her when we order. Lately, she’s been ordering her own food and has the money to buy her own food. Now, when we message her to ask what she wants to eat, etc, she would just not reply. It’s the same with other messages such as about school, etc, she usually ignores them.
About a month ago, we felt we needed to do something because it was obvious that she was not going to school because of her gaming. We ended up changing the password of the wifi for one night. Next day, she told the school she had suicidal ideations. We went to the school, talked to her, and went to the hospital and tried to get help for her. Her mom in China refuses to pay us for any medical help and we do not have the money to do so either. But we still tried to get her treatment through schools advices of governments free care kind of things. My family have told her multiple times that we will try our best to assist her and will even allow her to live here rent free for a while after she turns 18 if her mom refuses to pay. However, she gave us the same responses of “ok” and whatever.
The events then escalated and social services came over and spoke to my family. Stating that the girl had accused us of neglect and abuse, saying we were not giving her food. I have years of screenshots of conversations and purchase histories to prove that we have provided her with food. She also has closets full of clothes and boxes of snacks in her room. She would tell us she’s craving something and we would buy it for her immediately so I have no idea where this idea of us not giving her food is even coming from. We have given her all the help we possibly could but we aren’t her legal guardian and her mom refuses to pay for anything further. She has since left with social services, and now, we are required to go to a hearing for section 300 of Welfare and Institution Code(b)(1) and (g).
What does this mean? What are we supposed to do now? I know we are required to go to the hearing but what is this hearing? Are we supposed to bring a lawyer immediately? What do we do if we have evidence, do we bring it up during the hearing? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

I've been doing a lot of reflecting recently and it's been really settling in how badly my narc parents affected my life. I see other people my age and young adults just getting started that have healthy, functional families that love and support them. I feel guilty for this but I can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy at what my life could have been like had I had decent parents.
My childhood was so turbulent that my grades suffered as a consequence from the constant instability and hostility and I ended up graduating high school with a 2.5 gpa. More irritatingly my teachers completely overlooked that homelife might be playing into my academic issues. However when I got myself into college in my mid 20s I pulled straight As. It wasn't easy, I feel like I dissociated through most of my early education, and as a result I have huge gaps in my educational foundation. But I worked my butt off and managed to accomplish those grades. It just made me think, if I had had a stable home life I probably would have pulled really good grades in middle and high school, gotten into a good university, and who knows where that would have taken me.
I'm pursuing a new career and education now in my late 20s, and while I acknowledge it's better late than never I am still extremely envious of the kids fresh out of high school that had a support system and an early start to their success.
They affected me in a lot of other ways (socially, medically, mentally, etc) but in the interest of keeping this from turning into a short novel I'm cutting it off here lol.

Especially for daughters. Neither of my parents were ever concerned for my extensive medical or dental care. The only time they acknowledged my health was when it came to psychiatrists forcing drugs on me being "mentally unstable". Turned out I was never unstable. I was just a young kid reacting to the loud, abusive and dysfunctional environment I was living in. Narc parents are so coddled in society, people never question if they're the contributing factor in a child being misbehaved. Outside of my family, I'm the most quiet yet bubbly energetic person ever. Yet they feel entitled to having that part of me. But I create distance because they hate when they can't take advantage of you.
My narc mother has always neglected my beauty, feminine care, and medical care. She always questioned why I started eating healthy as a teen. Not restrictive dieting. But cooking my own meals instead of eating fast food. Warning me that "eating too much vegetables can be bad". Even though I made various balanced filling dishes that resembled the food pyramid. Also, alkaline foods are more healthier than acidic foods (fruit). So she was not only wrong but fear mongering out of jealousy. Now at 50, she cooks and eats all the things she used to warn me about. But only because her health is declining.
But a young woman (her daughter) trying to maintain good health practices early is what she feared. She shamed me for shaving my legs but shaved her own. She forbid me from experimenting with makeup as a teenager. But now wears a heavy beat face. She works out and dresses for clothes marketed towards my age group (20s). But fat shamed me when I developed curves. I was told to lose weight while many girls (and guys) fawned and "envied" my body. I later lost too much weight to appease her and her perverted husband. Only to realize my natural fat distribution is pear shaped (her genes).
I truly believe narc parents deliberately set out to masculinize their daughters. Discouraging you from taking care of your looks and health. They deny you to explore into your womanhood. While they always make sure they're on point. Not talking about plastic surgery. But taking care of your body. The only body you'll ever have. They want you to neglect it.

I haven't been diagnosed yet (probably because I live in Oklahoma, (shit mental health care) and it's not as common in biological males and usually just gets dismissed as depression or bipolar. I also am certain I have ASD as well, but it presents more like a girl with ASD, which probably explains why I have a bit of gender dysphoria and whatever lol
I'm not going off a google search I did last week or some little ASD test online, I knew what it was 7 years ago and throughout the years I've learned so much. Not only from reading many varied studies, reports, journals, ect; I've listened to the experiences of so many autistic people of all kinds. Through this, I've been able to relate my own experiences and concluded I am indeed autistic. This is also how I came to the conclusion of having BPD, but a bit more recent. But I'm still quite certain.
But for the past 2 or 3 years, nearly everday has been the same. I start the day fine (sometimes I'm already upset though) until something sets me off, usually something small that was the last straw of my already accumulating rage from other stressors and whatever else little bullshit. Death from a 1000 papercuts.
Once I'm off it's like a charging bull, but instead of goring a cowboy I'm barging into a china shop. I've never intentionally hurt someone for my whole 20 years, but I do get really violent thoughts about defending myself and not using proportional force if you get what I mean. Pretty sure it's because I feel a huge lack of power in my life and a lack of justice in the world. I don't want to just hurt people in general. Those thoughts make me feel ashamed regardless.
Anyway, I tend to slam my fist into things but don't actually destroy things too often at this point (for now). One time I broke a glass table and I realized if I cut myself bad enough it could've been life threatening, (maybe idk lol) so I'm a bit more careful now. A bit. But I still hit shit way too much, a few weeks ago I accidentally broke off 3/4 of my fingernail. I can feel the angry energy literally physically, it's like I'm on a stimulant or something. Maybe it's adrenaline?
I can feel it throughout my body but especially my arms, it makes me twitch and shake sometimes. It takes so much effort to not absolutely destroy shit, especially my shit phone and shit computer. I get short of breath, increased heart rate, ect. I say awful things, like telling my phone to kys and burn in hell for eternity. Usually with 5 or more expletives thrown in per phrase, also a lot on their own.
Then I almost always preceed to cry, anything from a few tears to a full on breakdown, usually closer to the latter. It can last 30 minutes or several hours; again, usually the latter. It makes me hate myself and feel so beaten down by life. It's painfully overwhelming. It feels like I'm in a tiny cage trying to escape but I can't even move. Over 6 years, I've tried:
-Prozac (Fluoxetine) -Seroquel (Quetiapine) -Effexor (Venlaflaxin) -Celexa (Citalopram) -Abilify(Arapiprazole) -Lithium Bicarbonate (never fucking again) -Wellbutrin (Bupropion)[current] -Lamictal (Lamotrigine)[current] -Amitryptyline [current], I keep forgetting to take it though lol] -Propanalol [current, it's a beta-blocker but used for anxiety and possibly anger]
I've tried at least ten prescription drugs for this shit, probably more I forgot (my memory is concerningly bad/inconsistent ). I have a medical card (I need to get it renwed though fml), and weed does genuinely help me, but I smoke around 7-8pm to avoid tolerance build up. So it's not great as a preventative measure for rage, but it's good at preventing a breakdown following an anger episode.
But ultimately, I'm still relatively unchanged compared to 6 years ago. I haven't even crossed the start line, currently no job, no school, no significant other, ect. I have friends but they're OG's, I haven't had another true friend for like 3 years at least. Not that I talk with them about my bullshit anyway.
I have fairly severe arthritis, which although has greatly improved thanks to Humira (when it initially hit at 16 I was in a wheelchair for a while, could barely move at all), it still heavily affects my life. If I stand longer than 30 minutes, my back and sometimes knees start to hurt and the pain increases quickly as time passes. So I can barely shave (I use a DE safety razor so it takes a good while), cook (I live with my parents so not a big deal but I love cooking), play guitar, clean, ect. I walk my dog everyday for around 30 minutes so I do get exercise, I used to also do crunches and stuff but it kinda made me feel worse after a while.
The 2 jobs I had were hell, I was in constant pain physically, mentally, and emotionally. It's possible I'll just have to be on disability, physical jobs are basically impossible now and I'm extremely anti-social and anxious/paranoid so a social job wouldn't be good at all. I haven't given up yet, but damn it's alluring. I know people say to just be around people more and the anxiety/paranoia will dissipate, but it's fucking bullshit. They don't understand. I still feel as uncomfortable at 20 as I did when 10. Just not for me. I also hate driving, it terrifies me greatly.
So idk what to do, I feel like Sissyphus. Like this cycle of rage and sorrow will never end. I try to calm down, I've done the counting, I've done the breathing, even used a dumbass rubber band on my wrist. None of it works, and I'm tired of people telling me that this goofy bullshit. I literally can't control my rage unless it's very minor, I feel like a different, awful person when it happens. It's embarrassing and shameful.
It's affecting my relationships with friends and family really negatively. I'm really afraid of abandonment but I push everyone away and get mad or upset at them frequently. At this point I'll take benzos. I wanted to avoid them, but I just want peace.

Leo Horoscope Today March 26, 2023 - Leo Today Horoscope (beautyaal.com)
Today’s developments in your family matter, but do not worry, as these developments are positive and will give you the opportunity to make a decision that you have put off a lot during the last period. You value your problems very much and try to solve them first. Perhaps this is the main reason for the state of calm and tranquility that overwhelms your life today.

Leo Horoscope Today March 26 Love:

The partner acts as if he is not interested, so try to clear things up before the situation escalates.

Leo Horoscope Today March 26 Professional Life:

Try to spend more time at work to develop some plans with your manager to improve the workflow, do not waste your time on useless things.

Leo Horoscope Today March 26 Health:

Do not complain about the duties imposed on you medically, as they are beneficial to you in the foreseeable future.
Leo Horoscope Today March 26, 2023 - Leo Today Horoscope (beautyaal.com)

I, (18 m) well be homeless in two days. I had a really bad relapse and lost everything, my car, family, friends, and now my home. I was staying at an outreach place for a week trying to get into treatment, but I can’t manage to get into a rehab because they are all either full, won’t take my insurance, or see me as a medical necessity as I’ve allready detoxed and since I was staying at the one place I am now 8 days clean.
I’m now back home, my roomate has been very supportive of my recovery, but in two days we’re out on the street. He might have a place to go, but I do not. I’m terrified. I’ve called every housing place, treatment center, and outreach and I’m now on a million waitlists.
I don’t know how to do this. I’ve never been homeless before, and on top of that I don’t know how I’ll manage sobriety on the street.
Any and all advice is welcome. I’m just trying to figure out how I’ll survive. Thank you

Hello Dear Dr Peterson,
For at least nine years, I have been dealing with intense emotional distress showing itself as physical pains, which on certain occasions resulted in hospitalization. Throughout these nine years, for at least seventy per cent of my life, such pain has affected my life in different intensities where the distress pains manifest themselves in various parts of my body as physical pains. Despite that, I tried my best to deal with these issues. I have seen doctors and psychotherapists. I tried medications.On four occasions in nine years, I had four episodes that made me think seriously about suicide due to my intense distress. In the first episode, I took dozens of pills but threw up because I consumed alcohol at the same time(7-8 years ago). On my second attempt, months later, I tried the overdose again and ended up in the Intense Care Unit. In the third episode(4-5 years ago), I ended up in the emergency clinic before I tried anything. The fourth time happened a few months ago. I seriously started considering assisted suicide as you witnessed it. After the fourth time, I became aware that the physical, until the end of high school, and emotional abuse, which continued until today, inflicted by my parents, had been a crucial factor in experiencing repetitively traumatic events. Thus, I cut all contact with them because they gaslight my memories and are blind enough to see their role in damaging my mental health despite my several attempts to explain this to them. However, it also intensified my fear of the future because I no longer want to take their money. I can survive until the end of law school and a few months later when I return to Canada after my studies in the UK because I made some savings. Moreover, I have been diagnosed with ADHD since I was 12. I used such prescriptions until I was 18-19 but when I felt like they intervened with my mental health stopped taking them for a while after my third episode. Still, three-four months ago, now 27 years old, I resumed taking them because I wanted to focus on my studies, and behavioural strategies for my ADHD did not work much. Now I have been going through a fifth episode. I genuinely think that life has no meaning anymore. In your videos, dear Dr Peterson, you said you have so much to offer the world. It had been indeed an important motivation for me to go through the past few months. After a while, I realized what about me? Whenever I want to achieve something, my body gets tense, and I feel so distressed that my stomach gets this acute pain repeatedly. I have also seen a gastroenterologist to see if it is physiological. It was not the case because, following an endoscopy, dietary changes and getting meds, I became convinced that distress-related acidity is the core factor hurting my stomach. Yet when I avoid things and find myself nailed to bed due to crippling anxiety, I feel intense shame. Now, I have no power to get up again. I do not want to set smaller goals because sometimes motivating myself to the gym takes 2 hours of anxious contemplation. I tried antidepressants once, but it did not work out well. I do not feel motivated and do not have the drive to try all other antidepressants and possibly experience their side effects again and again just to feel more stomach distress. Still, I see no point anymore because I am well aware that getting off again will mean I will have to face this torture-like pain, and I do not have that power anymore. What is the point? You have always struck me as an extremely logical man Dr Peterson. Please put yourself in my place. What would you do if you went through the last 8-9 years of your pain at least 70 per cent of the time? As a fellow Canadian, would you apply for assisted suicide and wait for two years before you get the approval, or would you keep going? What is the point of keeping going? The pain was there most of the time; it had been there no matter how much I tried to be ambitious or positive, yet the distress was there. I am a McGill graduate studying law in the UK and speaking three languages. But still, deep down, this distress is killing everything within me. It kills my confidence. It sucks away my happiness and cannot get relaxed, which also repels women. I was a gym goer at least twice a week and was eating healthy, but it also started to decline in the last few days. I am weeks behind in my studies. I am going down and do not know how to catch up. For the last five months, I have been taking psychotherapy alongside ADHD meds. I do not want to perform less than my potential. Even worse, if I keep going that way, I will end up homeless. I do not want to die losing my dignity. I just want to find peace; death seems to provide it because life means crippling pain. You get into a social setting and are tense, and people smell it. You unintentionally repel people because down you feel that pain. My cousin is the only person I speak from in the family because I only feel authentic and secure towards him. Besides, I have my best friend, whom I call a brother. No matter how much he tries to support me, it is hard to get so much but give so little to him. As I get older, it will worsen because distress may permanently damage my body, and relaxation is impossible. The lack of sincerity in this world frightens me. I have always felt like people are repelled by people who always look negative. Jim Morrison once said, " people are strange when you are a stranger; faces look ugly when you are alone; women seem wicked when you are unwanted..." Good old Jimmy's song aside, I do not feel resentful of people. They have so much on their table, and dealing with depressed fellas like me is torture. Yet, such relationship dynamics in human beings also frighten me because the fact that I have to be strong, but I cannot, despite my best efforts, kills me. Seeing myself nailed to the bed kills my hope for the future. What is the point of living, Dr Peterson, when there is so much pain?
Sincerely,
Berk

Intro - This was my first experience taking a daily medication. My anxiety was just at a point where I did not have a handle on it, despite years of behavioral therapy.
Side Effect Summary - My side effects have been pretty minimal, which is surprising because I’ve always responded strongly to medication.
Cons - Couldn’t sleep much the first two days, but since then, completely fine - I had one very bad panic attack my first week (it’s rare that I actually get to the “attack” phase). Thankfully it only lasted a few minutes. - I’ve gained 6 pounds in a month (usually weigh 169 in the AM, now weigh closer to 175). The weight gain really bothers me. I’ve always struggled with my weight (used to be about 235 despite being 5’8) and I need to work through that more in therapy. - My appetite is crazy now. I feel like I want to eat a plate of pasta at 7am.
Pros - I feel “normal” again - I can more effectively talk about my feelings and do not emotionally react as strongly - I’ve truly been able to enjoy my time with my family instead of incessantly worrying
Overall Impressions - My relationships and emotional health are on cloud nine. I’m so thankful for that. Physically, I really hope this weight gain stops soon or plateaus.

I have recently undertaken (and passed) assessment, so thought it may be beneficial to some for an updated summary of the proceedings. It is fairly lengthy, but includes up to date details of the process, which I hope you all find useful.
Day 0
You will be sent an email with links to the various cognitive/maths/English tests around midnight on the day of arrival. They will be available on the portal. Do not click into them, they are one time use. If you click them you may have to reschedule the whole assessment. Do NOT click them!
Do yourself a favour and pack well in advance, not the night before. Double check all documentation you are required to take. You will need two forms of ID such as valid driving license, birth certificate or passport, as well as utility bill. Tickets for the train need to be collected from a ticket machine, do not leave it to the morning of travel! In the morning check trainline.com to confirm your train isn't cancelled or delayed.
Collection from the station is 1700. I got to Lichfield City station with plenty of time and was one of the first in my intake to arrive. After a while loads of lads started filling out the station, no one really spoke as everyone appeared very nervous. It is fairly obvious who is there for assessment.
A member of staff in black came over and guided us to the car park over the road to the coach. We lined up against the wall for a document check. You are given your number here. Remember it, write it on your hand, type it on your phone. The staff do ask a final time if anyone needs reminding once you arrive, but don't be one of those candidates who needs reminding.
When we arrived, we dumped our bags under a covered seating area and lined up in three ranks. We then filed into the main centre and made our way into the lecture theatre. Blue coloured bibs are on the chairs, sit in the seat with your allocated number. We were told to put the bib on and sit in the chair. You get a numbered water bottle and a pen. These two things do not leave your side from now on. Do not lose either of them. We filled out a load of forms, certificates check and place them and your ID in an envelope, we were told to keep these safe until the morning when they would be checked and processed by the admin team. We were then led through to the classroom in groups to check army portal log on works and links for the tests have been sent. After this we watched a brief video outlining the next few days activities.
We then lined up outside, always three ranks from now on. We were sent for dinner at the cook house. Seated and then when ready sent one table at a time to the hot plates. The chef now takes your plate and puts the food on it for you, no self-service. Make sure you finish eating your meal before the staff are done. When told to line up outside make sure you tuck in the chairs and remember water bottles.
Back for ice breaker (name/where you're from, job choice and interesting fact or fear). Its short and sweet, some lads did theirs in literally 15 seconds. Pad it out a bit longer as that is a bit too quick, don’t act like you are rushing through it. Keep eye contact with the entire room, speak nice and loud and clearly. Add a bit of humour. We Then got a break down of Day 1 in more detail, then shown accommodation and given timings for lights out, breakfast, etc. Given access to the rec room. Given time to research roles and to speak to family, relax, TV, etc or access computer room to study for ACT if you haven't already. You are allowed to keep your phone on you for most of your time here, just don’t start using it when you shouldn’t be.
In the accommodation block we were told to put bibs on the end of the beds so if there is an emergency in the night we are easy to identify. Typical military bunks and a locker each. I've stayed in a few barracks in the past and Lichfield is actually pretty decent and modern, don’t get used to it. The pillows are awful, so good tip is to bring your own travel pillow. The bedding is laid out by the previous intake, so you have to make it. Our room agreed alarms at 0530. Many of you will know, barracks are usually either boiling hot or freezing cold. The first night we were all roasting even with the window open.
​
Day 1
Alarms off at 0530. Get up and straight into shower and shave. It pays to be first here as hot water dropped off for the lads who went a bit later, and if you leave it too late you are queuing for the showers. Start drinking water now as urine sample is required sometime during the morning, but also your run is hopefully tomorrow, so stay hydrated today. Water is always available in reception for top ups or from sinks in the ablutions. Tidy up the room and make your beds as you have a brief room inspection before breakfast. Make sure lockers are shut, bags under beds and bedding is made. Put phone chargers away. Water bottle and pen, then three ranks outside and to breakfast. The bleep test is not until after your medical on day 2 so eat as much as possible today. Lunch is provided during your various assessments, but not in the cookhouse. Highly suggest no caffeine as it can affect ECG later on, although plenty of lads drank it and were fine. Personally, I went without as didn’t want to chance it.
Back to the lecture theatre. We were told to take a sample bottle from the grey tray and write our number on it. We were told at any point if we needed to urinate for our sample to just go to the toilet without asking. Fill it, rinse it off and place it in the pink tray. Dont be like one bloke who bought his sample back with him into the theatre, that went down like a lead balloon with the staff and had us all howling. We had another brief power point presentation with a run through of the Army Cognitive Tests, which included examples. There were tips/advice given by the staff which was helpful. You are allowed pen and paper during the ACT’s so you can write things down to help if needed. You will be going between the classroom for tests and the med block for medical tests depending how busy it is. The admin team arrived and checked our documents, we signed the envelope and it was then sealed. After this we had a briefing by medical staff and briefly check med forms are correct. Required to wear mask at all times during the medical process. They hand these out so don’t worry about bringing your own. They take you through in small groups. I was led to a waiting room with about 5 other lads and told to take everything off apart from t-shirt, shorts, shoes, socks, jewelry is allowed if it is religious. If you end up in a waiting room, try to sit at the front as they call the front in first, otherwise be prepared for a long wait.
You are initially filtered through the below tests, the results of which are put into your medical folder. You can fail at this stage but will not be told until they have been reviewed by the doctor prior to having your physical examination, you will be told of a failure/deferral during this examination. The nurses measure height and weight, calculate your BMI, check your eye sight (if you have a recent optometrist report they seem to skip this step if the results of the report are within the limits), colour blind test (book with coloured dotted circles with numbers and you have to read out the numbers that you can see), ECG and potentially an echocardiogram and a hearing test. There is lots of waiting and queuing but to be fair I was never in the same spot for long. You may be sent off for tests in-between to speed up process. I was sent to the classroom for tests twice in a row because the doctor’s waiting room was too busy.
A few notes on the hearing test. It is a very hot booth; you will sweat in it. The test starts as soon as the door shuts and the beeps are a lot quieter than you imagine they will be. You still have to wear your mask at this point so you will hear yourself breathing, try to breath slowly and quietly.
During this process I undertook the ACT (useful link to practice these at the end of this post) and because I went for a trade, the TST. For this you are given 45 minutes. You are allowed to use (and given) a calculator. It covers GCSE level mathematics, so think ratios, percentages, decimals, averages, fractions, volume, speed, distance and time and a bit of algebra. Good resources for this if you haven’t recently taken your GCSE’s and need some revision, are BBC Bitesize and Corbett Maths. Don’t panic too much about this, you should be able to get the minimum required for your role if you revise two or three weeks before hand. I would recommend taking it even if the role you are initially going for (e.g. infantry) doesn’t require it. You have nothing to lose taking it, if you score enough (easily achievable) it can unlock other job roles you may not have thought about.
A note about the classroom – when you enter, keep your voice to a whisper as people will be in and out all morning undertaking tests. This also goes for waiting rooms in the med block, keep your voices down and don’t let your excitement/nerves get the better of you and you all start running your mouth. It will not go down well.
When you are finally seated in the doctor’s waiting room, you are asked to complete a short medical form. It asks about close family history, if you have suffered any particular diseases or issues in the past. Do not lie on this form, be honest, but it goes without saying, there is no need to state anything if it is not on your medical records.
The doctor will check your blood pressure, your joints and tendons, lungs/breathing, eyes, teeth, movements, hip mobility. Discussion around anything declared by you on the form in reception and on your RGMD form your own doctor completed. You will be asked to strip down to your underwear and perform a few variations of walking on a line, e.g. on your tip toes, on the sides of your feet, etc. You will squat and duck walk, they will check neck rotation, shoulder rotation, flexibility to some extent and finally do 5 press ups and to hold the last rep. At this stage you either pass with a green bib and can continue, an orange bib means you are deferred, no run for you on Day 2 but you are fit to do the mid-thigh pull, med ball throw and the team tasks. A red bib is a fail. That means no exercise at all but I believe you can continue with the team tasks and interview. If you receive no bib at all, you are sent home there and then as this is a deferral for 12 months or a bar from service.
At some point after you are deemed fit for service you will perform the mid-thigh pull and med ball throw. Mid-thigh pull is essentially a rack pull with a fixed bar. You will be given two or three chances to complete, and pull for 5 seconds with everything you have got. The best way to prepare for this in the gym is either deadlifts or if you are worried about form and injuring your back, rack pulls, which closely resembles this test. The med ball throw can be a bit strange at first but you shouldn’t need to practice it more than a few times. Prepare for this by doing bench press, dips and push ups.
You grab lunch from reception and eat in the rec room. We were then shown a DVD in reception showing 14 weeks of basic training and a chat from Catterick PTI regarding infantry. Reserves pulled aside for another chat on top outlining the reserves process which is slightly different. After this we got our boiler suits, gloves and helmets issued for team tasks on Day 2, and were told to leave them in the rec room. At this point the next intake of candidates had arrived. We were told under no circumstances should we approach them. At dinner we were given the opportunity to use the onsite shop. I used this as an opportunity to buy food for the travel back the next day on the train. I highly recommend trying to get as much sleep as possible for tomorrow.
​
Day 2
0530 wake up call again. Start drinking now. Shower, shave, sports kit. Use any spare minutes now to pack your stuff away as best you can, as you will not have a great deal of time to do it later. Ideally, you want everything besides your clothes for interview packed away in your bags before you head down to eat. We also had to strip the dirty linen off our beds and lay out the new sheets as per pictures dotted around the block. Our intake was about 28 so no one slept on the top bunks, so we just copied the layout from those. Breakfast at 0620. Eat light as you will be doing the bleep test soon after 0800. We then waited in the rec room for the PTI to arrive and brief us on the test. He also went through a series of slides regarding healthy eating habits, fitness, what to expect at basic, etc. We were told to fill your bottles up and we were then led outside for test. Fill your bottle to the brim as it will be checked. You are split into groups of 7-8. You then meet another PTI to perform a warm up. The warm up was actually taxing and easily felt like the first 3 or 4 levels of bleep test, so be aware, it did catch a lot of us off guard. Start practicing the test at home with a 10 minute warm up prior, either a 1km run or a few levels of the test first.
We were told three strikes in a row do not count towards score if consecutive, so if you get one, catch up to get the next beep, get a second warning, catch up to make the next one, third strike you are out. Do NOT stop at your chosen role, you need to be a few levels above (if going for Para’s at 11.6 they stop it here anyway). You need to put maximum effort in and come off the test feeling like you are going to puke. Your interviewer will be watching at the side lines as well, so it really needs to be full on effort.
When you receive your third and final warning or they stop the test, you are led to a cool down, then into the rec room and your boiler suits. You are kept in the same teams as your run to complete the team tasks. You need to be vocal, even when you are not doing anything and waiting for your turn for example, you need to be encouraging your team members. Spend a few minutes, discussing as a team, everyone’s ideas and agree on the best one. It is key here that you all ensure everyone knows what they are doing and when. You need to work at pace, with a sense of urgency. We were explained you would be doing tasks such as this under enemy fire, so you need to be loud, you need to be shouting encouragement and you need to be moving at speed.
Once complete you will take off all your gear and place it back in the room. We were then given about 20 minutes to head back to the block, shower and get dressed for our interview, this was fairly chaotic as everyone seemed to finish the team tasks at a similar time, so people were queuing for the shower at this point. This is where packing when you got up or the night before will help you with time management.
We got to have a cooked lunch in the cookhouse this time, rather than a baguette. We were then led back to the lecture theatre for a final time. Here we had to sit in chairs at the back of the room, that did not have bibs placed on them, as a new intake would be arriving that evening. You wait for your interviewer to call your number.
You will be led through the back of the theatre into an office where you will sit down and discuss the following:
How you think you did, the army’s values and standards (know your CDRILS – not just what it stands for, but examples of how you apply them in your civilian life and how you utilise them in the army itself), job choice and info around that role. You don’t need to go overboard, but I would recommend knowing a good amount about the regiment or corps you want to join, the role itself, what is involved, where the regiment/corps are currently serving, etc. You need to know about phase 1 and phase 2 training, and give detailed answers about what is involved. Your interviewer will then go through the results of the cognitive and technical tests, your beep test score/run time, mid-thigh/med ball results and team tasks. They will then grade your score and issue your certificate. When there is enough of you done, they will minibus you back to station.
I managed to pass with an A grade. I kept my mouth shut and listened. If I didn’t understand something, I asked for them to clarify, it is better to ask again than to try wing it and get it wrong, I tried to be almost over the top confident, but not cocky or loud (but be loud in the team tasks!), I socialised just enough with the rest of the lads, but stayed away from the over the top throbbers thinking it is a weekend away at Butlins, keep your room tidy and your things kept away. Keep your phone out of sight unless you are on down time or the rec room. Sit up straight and don't slouch, dont cross your arms. Eat and shower fast and finally, keep your water bottle and pen on you always.
I hope the above helps ease some nerves of new candidates and gives an insight into the current process at assessment.
ACT Simulator https://justajolt.pythonanywhere.com/act\_simulato

Hello everyone,
I (F30, Aspie) have been having a disagreement with my partner (M33, presumably NT). I wanted to know what you thought of the situation and if our difference in opinion is due to neurodivergence.
My father-in-law gave me a 200$ check for Christmas. I only got around to cash it three weeks ago (I know, I’m terrible). For context, my FIL is not struggling with money, so for him, giving me 200$ did not cause any sort of issue.
On March 9th, I learned that my bank turned down the check.
I thought it was only because of the current date being too late (the date on the check was December 24th) and so the check expiring. So in my head it was just ‘a technicality’. I told my partner that his father’s check did not work. I thought he would just ask his father to write me a new one with a new, recent date. But my partner refused, even knowing about the date. I said I would just ask my FIL directly then, and then to prevent me from doing that, he e-transferred me 200$ so I could shut up and he got super mad, even going that far as to sleeping in his study room with his door locked and refusing to talk to me. It made me sad and I cried.
Before him refusing to talk to me though, we discussed the situation. - His reasoning was the following: I should just let go of this money, because it wasn’t money that he owed me. It was just a gift. I should just accept that I wouldn’t receive it and move on. - My reasoning was the following: yes my bad for cashing it late, but hey, the intention of my FIL was to give me money, he decided himself to sign that piece of paper, the reason why it got denied is after all a technicality. When someone gives you a physical gift, and you have a gift receipt, and it turns out the object is defective, you don’t just sit around anxiously saying "It’s a gift, I have to suck it up, I’m not morally allowed to go to the store and get a properly-working one"; no, you go to the store and exchange it!! Well in this situation asking for a newer check is the equivalent of showing up to the store with your gift receipt.
I recently learned that the reason why the check was declined was that the account belonged to a deceased person (my MIL) so it had nothing to do with the date. In other words, even if I had cashed it in December, it would’ve been denied anyway. I asked my partner if he would’ve found it acceptable to ask his father about the denied check in December rather than in March (in other words, if the timing had something to do with it). He said no. He said it’s still a gift. It’s still money that he did not owe me. That he did not have any obligation to give me this amount.
I thought we were ok with ‘agree to disagree’ on this topic; however, yesterday I had an unrelated fight with my partner and he told me he can’t shake that up. It’s been eating at him since March 9th (the day I asked him to tell his dad for a new check).
I truly want y’all’s opinion on the matter. Who is wrong and who is right here? Is it because I’m ND and he’s not? Is it because I had a messed up upbringing and he did not? Is it a cultural difference (his family is Italian, mine is basic white North American)? Please help me out.
Thank you and sorry for the length. 💜

Hi everyone, For the past ~1 year I’ve been experiencing worsening GI issues such as the following: - little to no appetite - alternating constipation and diarrhea - pain during bowel movement (feels like glass/ripping) - small amounts of blood after a bowel movement (progressively getting worse) - always gassy - bloating - weight loss and inability to keep weight on - abdominal pain - Very foul smelling stools
I went to the doctor this week and she told me it’s most likely anal fissures and a lack of fiber but over the past couple days, the rectal bleeding has been getting worse. Usually, it’s a very small amount on the toilet paper after I use the bathroom but 2 days ago, it was enough to make the water red (normal feeling stool) and just now, it was so much I thought I had gotten my period (horrible smelling diarrhea this time) , there were also very small clots. I’m making this because it was really unsettling to see all that blood in my stool, especially since it’s getting worse. Could this really be just a fissure or should I go back and ask for a colonoscopy? My mom’s side of the family has a history of colon cancer if that matters. Thanks everyone. Age: 20, female Weight: 90lbs Height: 5’1 Medications: Prozac, lamictal, mirtazipine, junel FE, lunesta

I (F) am turning 30 this year and I still have a lot of trauma that was caused by my family that still affects me to this day and I don't know what to do about it at this point. Although, I'm still figuring things out, I may be part of a narcissistic family but I'm not fully certain. I've been confused about it for years now and I still go back and forth sometimes. I'll try to summarize as best as I can.
I used to be really close with my older brothers (now 37 and 40) when I was a child. I was the youngest sibling until I was 14 when my mother became pregnant with my sister. Prior to my sister being born, we hung out together all the time and they were emotionally supportive as well. They genuinely felt like my big brothers and I spent a lot of time playing video games, watching cartoons, and doing normal sibling stuff that kids did back in the 90s.
Eventually, they joined the military for their own reasons, one of which being to get away from my strict parents. They enlisted at different times and went into different branches of the military. Even at the time, I was around 11 years old and I understood and supported their reasons. My parents' marriage was rocky and it was tough to deal with their dysfunctional relationship. My mother being toxic was also a huge contributing factor.
My mother took out an Amazon credit card in my name when I was 19, maxed it out, made it go 90 days past due. It almost went into collections but my father and I discovered the bill in the mail one day. My father was pissed at my mother but he ended up paying the whole thing in full. Me, being 19, I was afraid of not being able to make it on my own. I was afraid of what the potential consequences of standing up to my mother would bring. I felt like if I stood up to her, she would kick me out and because I had no friends, I would be homeless with no where to go and I would have to drop out of college. Because of that fear, I didn't take legal action against her. Something I still regret not doing.
I found out she did the same thing to my Marine brother and he did not talk to her for almost a year. My mother played the victim at the time and called his girlfriend asking why my brother wasn't speaking to her.
As for my other brother, the Airmen: He met a girl when he was stationed in Utah. We were all raised Catholic but she wasn't and my mother had a problem with that. She intervened so many times to try and get them to have a "normal Catholic marriage" or get the marriage blessed by a priest. My now sister-in-law doesn't speak to any of us, isolates her children from us, and I haven't seen my oldest brother since my Marine brother's wedding. (5 years ago) I text him happy birthday and happy veterans day but two years in a row, he hasn't wish me a happy birthday.
Basically, my mother's actions have caused a rift in our family and I can't move on. I can't accept it. I feel so much anger towards my mother. I feel anger towards my brothers for abandoning me. It's actually poisoning me and turning me into a bitter person. I've tried dealing with it through medication, therapy, self-help books, meditation, yoga, endless research on psychological concepts like the narcissistic family and how to deal with them (Doctor Ramani, Jordan Peterson, etc.), how to love and trust people again, how to be independent and not care what others think, etc. I've spent so much time and money on trying to fix myself. The haunting thoughts of my family not caring about me or not making me a priority in their life at all holds me back from a lot of happiness because it just breaks my heart so much to the point where it distracts me from daily activities and makes me scared to take risks. I'm afraid to trust other people, open up to people, etc.
In terms of my father, we have a pretty decent relationship. He worked overtime to send me to a college prep high school. He was a hydraulics mechanic working out in the cold sometimes during the recession of '08. He showed up to my high school graduation when my mother didn't. He helped me move when no one else did. He's very smart with cars and he still helps me out with mine. He's always been a great Dad and has always been there for me. However, seeing him means seeing my mother.
Idk, I guess I'm just looking for comfort or words of wisdom or maybe someone has been through something similar so I just don't feel so damn alone and unloved anymore.
​
TLDR: My family trauma still haunts me after all these years and despite seeking professional help, I still feel like I'm on a hamster wheel, mentally.

Former North Carolina and NBA center Eric Montross is battling cancer and has begun treatment, his family announced in a statement on Saturday.

Datapoint: my psychiatrist found the correct drug combination for me and now I feel free from depression (due to trauma, ADHD, masking) for the first time in my life!
I was so used to feeling depressed, I didn’t even realise that I was depressed anymore. Looking back, I so was depressed though, my whole life. The last year I had spent curled up on the couch, frozen and burned out, unable to work much (I run my own business).
Medications that worked for me: Vyvanse, Brexpiprazole, Clonidine.
I am posting the medication names because I was desperately trying to find any reference here and on other asd subs, especially regarding Brexpiprazole, but couldn’t find much.
How my life has changed: I do stuff. I do all the things I love and have loved in the past and it’s just wonderful! I garden (without stopping, because I’m too depressed and have no energy), do yoga every day for an hour, bake a lot (for others and my family) and cook, have picked up my knitting from 2019 and cross-stitching, am back into art, am listening to music and enjoying it (not the depressing stuff!)…just everything! Even cleaning is fun now. I have energy and am building strength and had just no idea, life was supposed to feel this way.
Problem: I just don’t want to go back to work. I feel like I’ve been let out of prison for the first time in 44 years and just want to do fun stuff right now. This is a problem because I’m running out of funds. I sold a small property last year to survive, but now it should be time to go back to work, and I just can’t face it.
What do I do?
Edit to add: therapy has changed as well. My sessions aren’t clouded by treating “I’m frozen all day” stuff. It was important, but my therapist just couldn’t help me enough via talk therapy alone. Now our sessions look very different. We talk about specific memories and go from there. In over 20 years of therapy my sessions never looked like this, I’m speechless and shocked, therapy feels productive now!

A while back I was listening to a podcast regarding dark tourism: the main point this podcaster made was while learning about disturbing things can be fascinating, it’s important to have empathy, as the events that made the narrative of the topic disturbing, said events caused immense trauma and grief to those affected. I’ve kept that sentiment to my heart; sensationalizing these stories can completely erase empathy, and if we don’t keep empathy, we lose the reality of the pain that those affected felt. I say all this because I really feel that Wendigoon’s most recent video was one of, if not the most, empathetic tellings of Hisashi Uchi I’ve ever seen. Telling the stories of Hisashi’s kindness towards the staff, the way his wife kept herself composed until his death as a way to stay strong for him, and the paper cranes: that’s the way you humanize these stories.
​
Very rarely do I get emotional towards videos that discuss more disturbing content, but this time I felt my heart wrenching for Hisashi, his family, and the staff that did their very best to keep his heart beating. Side note, the fact that his heart was barely damaged throughout treatment and radiation eating away? Talk about symbolism and absolute awe in medical history. All in all, I’m incredibly touched yet ecstatic to see someone take this story and keep the focus on those involved, rather than keep a lens on the horror of radiation sickness. Looking forward to future videos :)

28f USA. So like I know self diagnosis bad etc.. well I wish not smoking didn't cause my wishes to be unalive turning into actual attempts and meltdowns. I have such an uncomfortable pain/sensory sleepless experience in every way when I try to quit every time. Prior, I have likely some combo of CPTSD (not sure I'm not triggered by past events or perpetrators in a way I can discern?) and/or autism, and ADHD at the least I now realize lately in life. I had initially tried recreational, but found it helped my ability to communicate and stay calm so much. So the universe reaffirmed to me in my life good things should be savored then put away for a bit and I'm cursing my lack of caution. I became addicted and reliant when my chronic pelvic pain started to kick off and my stress levels increased dramatically narcissist things, then along with my dog friend dying 2020. I've realized I'm now experiencing a dangerous mix of autistic/ADHD burnout prior but now also cannabis induced catatonia. No one has been helpful I've seen plenty of therapists/doctors the last year. So now I really have to start finding some ways to quit alone as no one in my life, family or professional, is making it possible whatsoever. I am going to keep trying to find hope here, this is going to be interesting going forward. This is a medical emergency if anyone experiences this by the way, but I guess if you're in the USA for sure good luck to you getting help I'm in Cali. Ima keep on like the cockroach I am to them I swear lol. Beat this with the magic of willpower?!

I (40f) on Christmas Eve reconnected with "Mike" (55m). It has been going good. Let me give a quick back story so you will understand.
Over 13 yrs ago, I met Mike on an online dating site. I was just out of a marriage to my son's father and he too was a single father of 2 (a boy and girl). In the beginning it was an INSTANT connection, but due to distance, (me in Illinois him in Georgia) and fresh out of a marriage I was skeptical about giving him a chance. After a year of talking we met, by chance, in Georgia. I was on a layover and and I texted him that I wish I could see him. The bus that I was on was going to his city for a stop. He never said anything but once we pulled up, he was at the stop! He had convinced the driver to let him come on the bus to hug and kiss me..and the driver let him. Let's just say, SPARKS FLEW! And at that time I was puddy in his hands. But like most LDR it didn't work out, not cause of arguing or disagreements but solely communication. It just died.
Fast forward, I ended up getting into a relationship. After living together and moving to a better, more expensive and safer neighborhood, with better schools, my ex (47m) decided to end our 7+ yr relationship in 2018. I was devastated and begged, pleaded, and prayed for us to get back together for almost 2 years! Needless to say it didn't work. I slept on the couch he kept the room. So I regain my self-esteem and regain my worth and decided to let go. But I was in a hard position, I worked, but the field I am in (education for the last 18 yrs) doesn't pay a whole so finding a place, in the city that I was now living in was almost impossible (need at least 60k) I know what you're thinking, just move to a different city.. one that I can afford. What a great idea! Insert the dilemma with my son.
Before and during the break up, my son had experienced a mental and emotional trauma from being bullied and ostracize for 2 yrs. In his 7th grade yr he FINALLY made friends and was trying to regain his life through therapy. He suffers from severe clinical depression, general and social anxiety disorders, and abandonment issues (from birth father). So uprooting him again from this city would further damage him. So, I decided to get a second job one that would help me provide and accommodate my situation since the ex was not involved although we STILL LIVED TOGETHER!
2020-2021: I got a second job at a popular online shopping store and things were looking up.. I'm saving money, working 7 days a week, and looking for a place. Still not on good terms with ex but civil. Now insert the pandemic, my father's death (no life insurance), losing my second job, and everyone in the house catching COVID! YAY! My son and I recovered but the ex, didn't. He had to be hospitalized and placed in a medical induced coma. So, I contact his family and friends and no one but his mother showed up who was out of it because it was her only child. So I made all the tough decisions when she couldn't. Days later he wakes up and his mother tells him all that I did. He decided he wants to reconcile. At that point I agreed.
2022: We break up again, this time I ended it. It just wasn't working and he could never be the man I fell in love with. (Lack of intimacy, not sex) So I moved back to the couch. Since my ex understood, we AGREED to live AS ROOMMATES until my son graduates from High School or able to move. So I am back to looking for another job. I decided to apply for the post office. Anyone who has applied know how off and on it can be (lots of hoops to jump through). I made it pretty far and I'm 2 steps away.
During all this time Mike has always crossed my mind so I decided to reach out to him. And the instant connection was back. Since Christmas Eve, we have talked EVERYDAY! We are growing closer and enjoying the small and everyday talk. He told me about his living situation, added kids, and the hardships that he experienced over the years. And how he is guarded due to his past relationships, which I understood. We are planning on seeing each other this summer. I have told him everything EXPECT the truth about my living situation. I am afraid that if I do, he will back away, but if I don't and he finds out, it could cause worse damage. Idk what to do.
Edit: I want to thank you guys for your advice. I just sent him a message that I needed to tell him something important.. I will admit I'm scared, but I HAVE to do this.