Pleasure p did you wrong lyrics

A day late but we're here, my little cheeto eaters! Remember as always to grab your bingo cards and let's get our little long weekend slumber party going. This whole fucking thing is FORTY MINUTES LONG, you're all lucky that my sibling who was supposed to spend the day chilling at my place has apparently forgotten that plan.
​

• There's a new opening style than all her other vlogs. Not sure if that's because of Morgan but also I don't care enough to go hunt down exactly which influencer she cribbed this style from. It features a lot of horse butts. Also her using her phone in bed, which I thought she didn't do because she's mindful.
  • The music she uses is this song, which is DEFINITELY not copyright-free, so have fun learning how actual copyright law works, Paige! The lyrics playing over the are "there are times when/it feels right to/run away, run away/when you ask the same old questions/every day, every day/Why do I set the stage?/Why do I find my place on the pedestal?", because I guess Paige went to the Love is Blind school of "make sure the lyrics of whatever song you use are really, REALLY literal"
• Giveaway winners! Congrats to the three people who won a pile of Paige's old garbage! Don't worry though, if you didn't win her trash, she'll be doing a lot more of these because she "appreciates [us] guys so much" and "wants us to experience some of the things that I'm so grateful to get".
  • Nothing says grateful like giving away your extras to strangers and instead of doing anything to promote them like you were supposed to in return for getting them for free, using the existence of this stuff as a way to leverage yourself up on the algorithm.
    • There's also Dairy Boy in the giveaways, of course, because no one's buying it organically.
• She explains moving Louie, it's the same stuff she said on Instagram. Weirdly horses are like the only animal I've never gotten super obsessed with, so I have no idea how BS this is, but it's almost word-for-word her IG explanation, so it's the same level of BS that was. She does word this though as it being a "charity project" and "passion project" she "donated to", because there was a dearth I guess of places to keep your horse in the rich people part of Connecticut.
  • She has to first run to get a grazing muzzle so Louie doesn't overeat in the pasture. This sets off my internal bad animal treatment alarms in a huge way, but again, don't know enough about horses to know if this is warranted.
• Just kidding! Don't let Paige into a Tractor Supply unsupervised, she's too much of a ~country girl~ to not come out with "so much shit". She also got this beef jerky that looked "so good". It's Iowa Smokehouse beef jerky.
  • It apparently looked good because all she had for breakfast was coffee. Why she only had coffee I'm not sure, since it's not like she didn't have the time to get something better. Coffee and beef jerky for breakfast sure is a choice, and one I'm sure her intestines didn't make her pay for later. This summer is all about ~hot girl indigestion~.
  • Story time! This looks like "legit, real beef jerky", which Paige knows because when Paige was in boarding school she stayed with a family who had a lot of cows and they made their own beef jerky, which Paige was of course intimately involved in, I'm sure. Anyway this makes her have such high standards, which is why she loves when somewhere like Tractor Supply (an enormous fucking chain, Paige) or a "local country mart" sells jerky because it's always better.
    • Fun fact that took me less than thirty seconds to Google, this "real" beef jerky is also available on Amazon
• More of the same definitely not copyrighted song as she packs up Louie's stuff and moves him. There's a lot of woman laughing alone with salad shots as she packs up and pretends to talk to... someone and "carry stuff" (ie: stand around touching her own body awkwardly)
• Some weird things about this whole sequence - 1) the "farm" she moves Louie to appears to have very poor, dilapidated fencing, red flag for me. 2) Paige is wearing a white shirt and then a white cardigan the entire time while DEALING WITH A HORSE and it never gets stained or dirty, which tells me she did fuck all, 3) the only guy with her is this big bald much older man who I assume is the guy starting this venture, meaning he's almost certainly who films her cantering around on Louie without her wearing a helmet laughing, which is so unbearably awkward. Like imagine asking a random older dude to film you doing that in a pure white sweater, 4) when Paige brushes Louie he sheds SO MUCH. Is that bad? It feels bad. When a dog sheds that much, even in the spring, it usually means no one's been brushing it regularly, 5) Louie has such a dip in his back and it makes me wince every time, especially when Paige shows him next to another horse. I don't know what that's from, but I hate it and it doesn't look comfortable for him.
• Nance and Baloo are at home when Paige gets back so she's just going to "throw on a little outfit" and they're going to go out for Mother's Day in Brooklyn. Paige really, really didn't want to go into the city because I guess she's suuuuch a country girl (nice, Paige) but she's doing it for her mom and to see her sister
  • Oh my god she DOESN'T CHANGE HER SHIRT FROM THE BARN, she wears a white henley, what look like blue pajama pants, and a leather coat.
  • Nance steals some of Paige's clothes (how I don't know since they're totally different sizes) and according to Paige is"slaying the boots", a phrase I will pay actual cash money to never hear Paige say again
• Next morning, return of the out of focus camera, though it may have been by accident this time because it stays out of focus. Anyway serious business Paige with her serious business glasses is starting the day with some "desk work". Is that a thing? A phrase? What the fuck is "desk work"? Has anyone who actually does work at a desk ever called it that?
  • When she's in Europe it's definitely harder for her to sit and do computer work even though she has a laptop but starting the day on her desktop at the same time as her "whole team" (WHO) it really makes a difference for them being all on the same page.
    • Okay so my actual job in real life is doing shipping and order management for a small creative goods company. I know very intimately what goes into product development, order fulfillment, etc, and Paige is just straight up saying nonsense. Like I paused and gave serious thought to what possibly she could be talking about, and I don't know what all this "work" is. If she was making everything in-house that's one thing, but that's not work she could possibly be doing or overseeing from Europe. But if she's outsourcing stuff, having it sent to a warehouse, and, then paying someone to ship it out for her, I guess she's doing... development? But that makes no sense because again, she outsources everything. She isn't doing wholesale, there isn't a lot to arrange for pop-ups if everything is outsourced and pre-made and she's only supposedly having one this summer, she only has eight products so the website maintenance is pretty easy, as is accounting, and she only really sells stuff around a drop which she does maybe twice a year.......... like genuinely I'm baffled here. It's my job to do this exact same thing every day with products that aren't jeans or sweatshirts or whatever and I'm so, confused about what her "work" is.
    • Allegedly they're on the "final push" for so many big projects and you know what, if any of these projects involve Paige actually doing anything besides feeling three different samples of denim swatches or deciding which vendor she's going to outsource oven mitts to and saying "I like this" or "I don't like that", I will issue her an apology. I feel safe in the idea that I won't have to issue her an apology, but I will keep on on offer in the off-chance I'm wrong.
    • She just finished making a line sheet (genuine lol once I looked up what that was) and apparently we are going to freeeeak out when we see her new merch - sorry, elevated lifstyle products.
    • It's denim. She's been working on denim. She shows us the final washes but it's in direct sunlight so it's all blown out and out of focus so they look mostly white? But she got the "perfect color". IDK, it's a light wash. I prefer dark wash, actually. It's a lot more flattering and forgiving. But we've already determined my aesthetic and Paige's aesthetic are not the same aesthetic. She's nobly pushed back production six months because she refused to do a full run unless the wash was absolutely perfect. It was so expensive but she needed to love love love the denim, because it's really what she's passionate about and what she wants to do, she wants to be the best denim brand out there. You know, because she's hand-making this denim herself, not just sending instructions to low-wage Chinese workers while being afforded the privilege to fuss over the perceived quality for six months because she has parents who are willing to flush money down the toilet on this. Also, for the record, but denim is like... a choice? Like what is the vision, exactly, because every clothing retailer has some version of denim and people are already super married to their faves, so how exactly is this business model working for her, here. And it doesn't look like stretch denim either, which means it's going to fit a very, very narrow group of body types. Like speaking from ample experience crying in GAP dressing rooms over my "freakish" (read, not built like a popsicle stick) as a teenager in a time before jeggings, jeans are not forgiving and easily worn by everyone. The thing about what Paige is doing so far is that it's universal enough. You don't have to really tailor an oversized sweatshirt or trucker hat to fit you. Everyone can make room for another overpriced candle. But denim??? IDK girl, you do you.
• Paige makes Olivia a latte. Olivia comes in and say it's story time about coffee. Paige asks if she should turn off the camera for this and Olivia says no so Paige continues to film herself preening while Olivia tells her a story about how messy she is frothing milk. Paige spends the entire time interrupting her to go "no! No! No! No!"
  • They look at buttons and rivets and embossed leather patches for the back, and then sweatpants leg panel samples. Baloo hangs out with them and Paige tells him he's stinky. She eats toast.
    • WHAT IS THE POINT OF ANY OF THIS. She's not DESIGNING anything, she's just doing that thing like, you know when you're choosing your racer in Mario Kart and there are a couple hundred variations of wheels and chassis and you just choose the unique combos you want to put together? She's doing that but with generic clothing. I've been jokingly referring to her stuff as "elevated Zazzle" but this isn't even Zazzle because Zazzle you UPLOAD ACTUAL ARTWORK TO. Why is she re-inventing the wheel? What improvements does she think she's making TO A PROVERBIAL WHEEL.
• Not sponsored showing off gifting time! It's not in focus at all so we can't really see any of the products (professional!). One of the products she mentions is that she's friends with CYNTHIA ROWLEY'S DAUGHTER who has nepo baby'd her way into dropping oven mitts and aprons that look like Strawberry Shortcake's rejects. Like they're cute, but they're again little strawberries on white. Like tell me none of you silver spoon-ass bitches cook without telling me by making WHITE OVEN MITTS. Those will turn yellowish and burnt after, what a single batch of brownies? Taking a piece of toast out?
  • This haul includes her tennis Tommy bag. Not sure how she got it since she brags about it being "sold out everywhere even Poshmark and depop"
  • There is sooooooo much of this free bullshit. How does she even get this much free bullshit. Why do companies waste so much money sending this to people like Paige who don't fucking care and openly give it away. What is the point of an influencer. IDK at this point I'm spiraling, this vlog is like a third of the way through and nothing has happened.
• Paige unpacks with Nance. She has so many clothes and I don't think she's worn any of them. Full disclosure that this was the point I actually got annoyed and had to take a break and play some video games for fifteen minutes because while growing up comfortably or on the upper end of middle class in a generational wealth type of town has taught me a lot of patience for people with too much money, there is at some point a limit to how conspicuous over-consumption and waste I can handle, and that point for me came when I saw how many sweaters Paige has that look like they've never been worn. And the on top of this she has a giant suitcase of stuff she's going to depop! The environment? Never heard of her.
• Paige is going to get groceries. She's needed Nance's help to do all the hard stuff she's had to do today like going grocery shopping and having soooo many clothes. She goes to Trader Joe's, then goes to a horse shop and of course buys MORE SHIT SHE DOESN'T NEED. I'm not condoning what the French did when they invented the guillotine, like that was really violent and horrible, but the point is that the longer I watch this vlog the more I'm understanding their motivations.
• Paige goes on a sunset ride with her friend Lauren, this song plays in the background as a flagrant copyright violation, I realize at this point that there's no way this video is going to stay up without Youtube copyright striking it so I have to be extra detailed for posterity and we still have so much to go and this is going to take forever. Louie's back still looks horrible and as someone with inherited lordosis, I feel for him.
• Tommy facetime! He says exactly one sentence and catches a tiny fish, for those of you keeping track on your Bingo cards.
• Nance is still over Paige's house when Paige gets back because she never leaves. Paige is wearing old Dairy Boy sweats. At this point when I scrolled down to press the play button again I realized that Nance has posted a comment about how proud she is of Paige within seconds of the video being uploaded. I live with my mother and sometimes I still need her help on stuff like yelling at health insurance until they cover stuff for me and even I am confused by how codependent their relationship is. Like doesn't Nance have her own house? A husband? Other children? Paige has spent this entire vlog needing Nance's help to do everything from grocery shopping to folding laundry and acting like a teenager. It's a rich text for a therapist to one day unpack.
  • It's Taco Monday, this is just a dumb and boring version of Paige performing the white people taco night song. Also bewildering, Paige seemingly DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO MAKE TACO STUFF. It involves almost no cooking! She even bought the spices pre-packaged! She needs Nance's help on this too!
  • Undisclosed new cooking knife brand product placement. They are amazed that it............slices.
    • OH NO SHE SAYS SLAYING WITH BOOTS AGAIN ABOUT THE KNIFE END THIS MISERY
  • Ahahhahah the reason they're so impressed is because they've apparently been cooking with unsharpened knives. Like Paige didn't know you could sharpen knives. A master chef, ladies and gentlemen!
• Oh god we're only halfway through. Paige wakes up the next morning. She got so freckly yesterday (read: she's courting melanoma and is going to age like a raisin). She's going to go play tennis at a club in Greenwich her parents are members at (Note, she shows the logo which means you can spend five seconds googling to discover it's this club. Membership is invite only and it's gauche apparently to discuss how much membership costs, but the estimate is EIGHTY GRAND A YEAR. To be clear, that is nearly THREE TIMES the average American household income. Paige is the child of people who spend more in one year to play tennis a few times a week than most people do getting fucking doctorates, which clears up a few things for me: one, I've never gotten those texts where she casually demands Morgan Wallen pay her back tens of thousands of dollars like it's $50, but I guess to her it is like $50, and two, why everything about Paige and how she acts towards people and money in this video is a million times more effective at radicalizing people on economic policy than anything Bernie Sanders has ever lain awake at night dreaming of.
  • Camera going in and out of focus during this explanation.
  • Ah she's doing it with her mom. Again. Heaven forbid Paige breathe without Nance.
  • Oh also she has to shoot an ad in the tennis dress, but she definitely likes and would go to play tennis anyway.
• More unboxing undisclosed adver- I mean PR.
  • I'm so serious, tthe flagrant wealth being thrown around in this video and the amount of free stuff a trust fund baby with absolutely no merits or skills whatsoever is getting because she has 300K followers on Instagram that she probably bought half of is like the best argument for socialism I have ever seen.
• .Paige gets dressed in the third outfit of the day to go to the dentist. The pants are pointedly too big on her so they don't stay up in the waist and create this weird enormous kangaroo pouch around her crotch. She pairs that with a toddler sized medium t-shirt for a football team she's probably never heard of, a choker that looks like something a boy band member in the early 2000's would wear but out of fake pearls, and cowboy boots. It's... the look sure is looking, let's just say that.
• Paige opines on how much she prefers to do vlogs at home, but don't worry, she won't stop doing travel vlogs for us! (Oh thank goodness, where would we be without the insights we get from them.) She feels like they add variety to her channel (what, no, we LOVE coming with you to the barn to watch you ride without a helmet over unsourced music! five times a vlog!). Sometimes she feels like there's this pressure to show us as much as she can, which explains why all we see in her travel vlogs is hotel room bathrooms, tennis matches, and the tops of various tabletops in restaurants. Anyway she feels like there's pressure because in reality she's there for Tommy. Which we KNOW, that's the entire PROBLEM, Paige. If you were HONEST about the fact that being a WAG on tour sucks and you don't get to actually see the places you're pretending to really go and immerse yourself in, we WOULD HAVE FEWER COMPLAINTS AND YOU'D FEEL LESS ANXIETY, the problem is that you have to keep compulsively lying about how cultured you are and how you really ~got a feel~ for the location. Just stop lying!!! Stop!!! Lying!!! Challenge!!!!! The anxiety you feel and the reason you have to monitor this subreddit comes from your CONSTANT LYING.
  • Ugh she would NEVER have gone to ROME if it weren't for Tommy. I think this is a ploy for authenticity but boy is it coming across as privileged.
    • I do think in her own Paige way though this entire monologue she has is about something I've noticed her talking around a lot - I think she's afraid if she stops travelling and being a WAG no one will care about her. I think she's terrified of doing what makes her happy, which is being home, hanging out with her mom, riding her horses, and spending her parents' money. But if she just let herself do the things she actually liked and stopped trying to always pretend to be cooler and more interesting than she is, no one would keep paying attention to her, because it's not like she has a sparkling personality or wit or unique point of view. Like I'm an interesting person to talk to, but if I tried to make a vlog of my life it would be pretty boring. I work a 9-5 M-F job and the most interesting part of my life is when I go to a concert or craft fair on the weekend or one of my neighbors goes out of town and I watch their cat. It's not riveting, but I also don't need to be doing fascinating things in order to be or feel like an interesting person. But people like Paige who need to always be travelling and going to events and flaunting how busy they are are often really sad and empty people. They're not doing any of the little mundane things that make people happy and spending time connecting with the people around them, they're just always moving around because they're afraid if they stop for five seconds, people will see that the only thing they have going for them is all that movement and travelling. I think Paige is constantly torn between the anxiety that comes with constant travel and isolation and putting herself on display and removing herself from the things that bring her a sense of calm and security, and the anxiety that if she allows herself to feel calm and secure, she'll lose the attention she craves. IDK seems like a thing she shouldn't keep indirectly admitting to in vlogs, seems to kind of undercut half of her material, but what do I know.
  • Also she really is going to positively contribute to Tommy and his life and career, ie: she needs to go home and feels comforted by home because that's where her mom and Amanda wait on her hand and foot and everything is about her, which she misses when she's with Tommy because when she's on tour with Tommy she has to accept that he's the center of attention and she's not.
  • Her home vlogs have been performing the best, like, significantly. Since she probably buys views and comments, this just means she likes them better and therefore buys more engagement for them.
  • Apparently her analytics are telling her that 30% of her views are coming from the "explore" feature, which she says is YouTube rewarding her for being consistent, and, uh. No. Not how that works.
    • I mean yes if you buy engagement it will put you in the algorithm more, but this is the time in the video where she accidentally self-owns. If you're an actual channel getting actual views from people who actually enjoy watching you, then VERY LITTLE of your viewership should be coming from the "explore" feature, MOST of it should be coming from subscribers or regular viewers or people who watch similar content. That's how the majority of people watch YouTube or find new videos to watch. But if fully a third of your viewers are coming from what's essentially a randomizer button, that pretty much confirms Paige is buying views and/or that a lot of viewers leave after a minute or two. Because if her content was good on its own, people would see it and subscribe, and then she wouldn't need to rely on the "explore" feature. But if she, as she says, is consistently getting a third of her viewership from that feature, than that means that a third of people are just randomly watching whatever YouTube puts in front of them and not engaging with her at all, meaning the ONLY POSSIBLE explanation is that she's essentially buying enough engagement to keep appearing on the explore page, but buying the opportunity to be put in front of people isn't actually getting her a larger audience because what she's serving them is a warmed-over turd.
  • Anyway Paige is counting on you not knowing the extreme basics and trusting that she "knows someone who used to work at YouTube who told her that's how the algorithm works"
    • Um if you don't know about social media - no one who works at YouTube or any social media company knows how their algorithm works unless they're the ones writing it, and if they do know, they're not going to tell you because that's extremely valuable, proprietary information and also there's like a lot of papers and NDAs and non-competes they'd be breaking if they did. They're telling you to upload consistently because it's good FOR THE MEDIA COMPANY. The company is trading in being a content hub, so they need people to consistently be uploading content, ie: raising the value of their site in a way they don't have to pay for. That's the entire business model of every. Single. Digital media platform. Heck, that's how most dating apps work too. The product is data. They want you to be giving them free product.
  • "I don't know, like I don't like doing things just for social media anymore?" HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH
    • And a week later you spent a weekend attending influencer parties in the Hamptons for....... what exactly. The scintillating conversation?????
    • She's very quick to say that's not the case if she has to shoot an ad! Loves shooting ads! Please keep sending her free stuff!
    • God this is taking me multiple hours but at this point I've sunk too much time in and also am convinced this won't stay up for copyright issues, so I'm taking a break to like, stretch and clean the bathroom, anything to get me moving and listening to my own thoughts which are in complete sentences.
• I'm back after cleaning the bathroom. I've been at this so long that my sibling has shown up. But I only have ten minutes to go and I REFUSE TO GIVE UP. This whole completely unhinged and unintentionally revealing rant has approximately a trillion uses of the word "like" is from 21:00 to 26:00 and if you want to watch it you can. I probably should have transcribed it for a full AP Lit level analysis, but I'm tired. If we're lucky, when Paige tries to re-upload this with copyright-free music, she'll have kept that in there.
• Paige ordered a shed! She's so excited!
• The fence looks mildly less jacked up when they go back. Paige is brushing Louie constantly in this video. Fourth time I think we've seen her do this. I feel like there's a lot more to horse care than brushing them and she only shows us this part because it looks aesthetic and she doesn't do any of the actual hard or necessary parts like shoveling horse shit, but what do I know.
  • This sequence uses unsourced but definitely copyright song number three!
  • Fun fact: Paige is the same fake brown color as Louie's dappled neck. Aw, you know how pets eventually look like their owners? Cute.
  • Shout out to Paige's friend (perhaps Amanda? Olivia? Can't keep the preppy brunettes straight anymore) who actually wears a helmet riding.
• Next day, we open with a bit of this song (not sourced, copyright infringement number four, possibly more that at this point I no longer notice tbh). Paige puts on boots to go to the new shed and realizes the vlog is going to be so long because she's never done a whole week at a time before. Because I've made it this far, I'm the best. (Aw.)
  • Paige calls Tommy to wish him happy birthday and films it, which seems... odd. Especially since she doesn't film it in a way where he can see she's filming.
  • Paige gets tea for breakfast (nutritious) and a coffee for the guy at the barn we must have seen earlier. His name is Aaron. I could do some google sleuthing and find him probably, but I don't care. Paige met him going on trail rides at her old barn. Do middle aged men usually hang out at barns doing trail rides? Just scoping out young idiots with disposable income? The whole thing seems sus. Apparently he has like seven kids.
  • Paige never realized how expensive pre-made sheds were, but it's a local business that makes it by hand! I assume the local business is called Costco And Sons.
  • More uncredited The Shins plays as Paige only loads the shed with blankets and nothing heavy or unpicturesque.
  • Another Tractor Supply run, at this point they're who really should be sponsoring Paige
  • Paige goes to say goodbye to Louie and he HIDES FROM HER IN THE WOODS
    • Girl.
    • Oh my god no wonder he's mad at her, they've been staying somewhere WITHOUT A STRUCTURE. He's been sleeping OUTSIDE. It got into the 40's every night in New England last week!!!
• Out of focus Paige talking about how she had suuuuuch a long day "running errands". Olivia didn't get to join Paige on her little horse girl excursions because she had to be at the warehouse and onboarding a new DB employee. Anyway Paloma is in town now
  • Paige learns that apparently you're supposed to be washing veggies as she prepares things to grill. PAIGE HAS BEEN COOKING THIS WHOLE TIME NOT WASHING VEGGIES. I.......... I am going to need to be sedated after this.
• Paige exfoliates and puts on a definitely not sponsored face mask
  • She's wearing skiing pajamas. In case we forgot she was a skier. Did you know she was a skier????
    • PSYCH, these are from previous ads with PJ Place but actually she really likes these and this one ISN'T an ad she just loves the product so much
• Paige is doing her makeup! We're at the end stretch! I'm almost there!
  • She took a day off of vlogging to go see her grandparents, but immediately segues into her Ulta trip. Because of her stupid grandparents, she didn't get to go to the barn, frankly how can she survive in these conditions.
  • Dairy Boy phone case plug! She was soooo specific about what she likes in phone cases and definitely didn't just choose between Zazzle, Redbubble, or (insert other brand here)
    • It's a shitty thin cover that looks like it protects your phone from approximately nothing and should cost $10 but I estimate she'll sell it for at least $40
    • Of course because Paige was so super particular about the details and business-minded when it comes to quality it took a long time to make........phone cases.......
  • Tommy calls and says hi
  • Paige rambles about her day and makes coffee. Tommy sent her peonies because he's "so cute". We see the phone cases and they're weird and ugly. More "gifting" (undisclosed advertising) that came in the mail
• Paige makes pickled red onions, every time she does it she changes the recipe a little bit even though she totally has a recipe and isn't googling. She starts pickling carrots which she says are going to "go bad soon" (that takes like six months, how do carrots even go bad?) She also does it in a water glass which, good luck ever drinking from that again without it tasting like vinegar.
• And then with no warning, it cuts off. That took me three and a half hours. It's been a journey and I hate it. If there is ever a vlog this long, I'm doing it in segments across multiple days because I'm exhausted by this much wealth and inanity. Time to go touch grass, start dinner, wash my vegetables before I do so. You know. The little things.

Just sitting in my room and was thinking about the past, you know like rerunning things in my head wondering what I could’ve done differently. This is probably something I should talk about with my GF but she still wants me to do things I’m not ready for (opening up wise) and sometimes she says things that trigger me on a bone deep level.
Anyway, I feel bad for my little brother and I know my older brothers want me to forgive our mother but I just HATE her. My little brother was born more athletic than me, I’m jealous of that but he’s still my younger brother. He’s arrogant, childish, and emotional or at least he was. I should probably talk to him more. Anyway I was watching a news video (that one about all those Texas high school students failing to graduate) and it got me thinking back to when he was in high school and how often he failed his classes.
Part of the reason I hate her is because she never really tried to get him to succeed. It was unconditional love, something me and my brothers never really got, but also neglect. He’d stay at his friends’ houses dang near every night of the week and go into depressive episodes. He tried to kill himself once that I know of, at a friends house, and I was called about it but I was at work so I didn’t answer. I was told he tried to down pills but ended up being fine so I didn’t react. No panic, no worry, no relief, just nothing.
As for my mother she was the same as normal, she still didn’t push him for better grades or check in with the school more. I went to one of his teachers only once myself, so I suppose I’m not much better, but I think that’s better than nothing. He kept failing, kept not coming home, and I guess I stopped caring. Looking back I suppose I did look like a bully to him, I was harsh and always talking down to him about failing instead of helping him like I should have. I should’ve tried asking him what homework he had and what else he needed. But he was taller than me, acted old enough to be a year younger, and always had stuff to do so I saw him as a rival. I blame myself for not being better, well at least when I’m actually thinking about it.
Going back again, my brothers have gotten on my back for not talking with my mother. They’ve apparently been throwing her in and out of mental hospitals, and my older brother (the one in jail) is usually the one to tell me. They say they know why I don’t like her but somehow I’m the only one to actually hold a grudge. I think it’s because they need her. My little brother is using her car, my older brothers ask her to babysit, give them money, and off and on a place to sleep. I think I just don’t NEED her so I don’t want her, thinking about her makes me angry. I know my father was abusive to her but I was too young to remember that, so all I know of her is that she was physically and emotionally abusive to me, never letting me forget I was HIS son, bullying me for being fat, and treating me like gold only when she wanted to look good.
All I remember of my father is the fact that he’s always been civil with me. I don’t love him, certainly don’t respect him, but I can’t say I distain him or have bad memories of him. He’s just someone who exists that I know is bad.
In terms of my girlfriend, I love her but it’s not intense. It never is or was, not for any big length of time. I think it’s because my other relationships were terrible, just highs and lows:

• The “first” made me feel wanted then I found out she was cheating, she had claimed it was assault 2 weeks prior but I never truly trusted her (but I wanted to be happy so I lived in denial).
• The “second” was here for me. She lived in my house, slept in my bed, made me think of my future and how to be better. She was “polyamorous” though so I knew I could never truly have her but I had hope, then she started accusing me of helping the apartment management team evict her (it was a long running accusation but I always waved her off) and told me she felt assaulted by me while we were in bed at night which just doubled down on the pain. I begged her to come back and try to fix things but she jerked my chain for months (saying stay away and then texting me with questions, like why didn’t you be better to your brother, only to hate me again, rinse and repeat.). Last I heard from her was months ago when she told me “One Piece is awesome” (words I haven’t been able to delete). She knows I love the show, that I look at it with the limited childlike wonder I have left, and she never watched it. So those words, sometimes make me want to go back and spend my nights in bed with her again. Anyway my current girlfriend is just someone I love. It’s like knowledge, like a fact to me, so I don’t need to feel intensity. I trust her, I love her, I respect her and sometimes what she says bothers me but I don’t have any urge to just up and leave. I think she thinks our relationship is only about sex to me, but now that I’m writing this out I think she senses on some intrinsic level that my passion simply flairs during sex. I want her to know that I care and can feel her and trust her but I don’t feel comfortable pushing back, I’m scared that I’ll blurt out a wrong word or aggressive tone or harsh combination of sentences instead of just calmly communicating my feelings. And that fear makes me feel insecure, and I’ve convinced myself women want me when I’m secure and loose as opposed to panicking and thinking. I feel like I’m most loved when I don’t talk, I think I’m a comforting invisible presence (sort of safety) but an annoying flurry back to reality. My girlfriend looked at me last night, when her grandma called, with something like disbelief. Her grandmother was concerned about us walking alone at night and I said “I’ll protect her”, because we were on speaker, and she gave me that look. It made me angry that she doesn’t believe I can protect her from harm. I want to say sometimes “If you don’t think I can protect you then go and find someone who can.” but I know that’s just me overreacting to a perceived slight. It’s just that she’s shown this belief multiple times now and I want to say something, I just wish I knew how to talk calmly and describe what I’m feeling.

I also want to be stronger. I want to fight harder, and be able to show her I’m capable enough for her. I wish I could make her believe in me but I think the only way to convince her is to actually fight. It makes me feel sort of depressed, like as if I’m being baited into violence by pride but I see no other solution because I don’t think I can keep her if she sees me as weak. I love her to death but it infuriates me that I can’t be better, and I’m afraid she’ll ditch me the second a whim comes.
Anyway that’s how I’m feeling. Stupid, angry, regretful, confused, like as if there’s more to do but I’m stuck in one spot unable to move. Like all my feelings drain when I’m alone enough for the apathy to set in. I wonder if I’m supposed to feel different.

To keep a very long story short, I (female) and my boyfriend (male, older by a few years) have been dating for a year now. I am a high school student still and my bf is out of high school. we’ve had a very rocky relationship since the beginning and ti be honest i put up with so much more than i should have, from texting hideously with my cousin, and claiming they texted like that normally, (i met him through her at a family gathering), then he was having phone s3x with a girl and recoded it, which i found, his excuse was that i was asphyxiating him always being on top of him for thing, then he was giving likes to a bunch of naked girls on ig, he claims he wasn’t doing anything wrong, then i found a girl on dnd in his phone who said HI and then it was randomly deleted, then after swearing he wouldn’t talk to my cousin in the previous scenarios, he does and hides it from me then starts acting VERY weird, and now lastly i went in his camera roll from where we started dating and he had girls in his bed when we were dating. oh and let’s not forget two charges in two weeks of an only fans, obviously i haven’t used OF but he claims it’s because the girl he used to be subscribed to did something to his account and charged him because he used to have her before we dated. He changed his card like 3 months ago BTW. so here’s my dilema, i’m tired of all these lies, and i’m in high school, i want to be able to do things like any normal teen. go to hs parties, go out with friends, and have fun. he also lives in another city 3 hrs away which is another bad thing. my parents bought an apartment down there and we were going to move this summer but i don’t want to anymore. my dad and brother are on my side and think i’m too young to be putting up with this crap. my mom on the other hand thinks all relationships have problems and that “now he knows he loves you”. i, STUPIDLy, wanted to raise a doggy with him which my big dog had recently so i gave him one to take care of while i move, then she would be “ours” i really want the dog back because she’s mineeeee. so Am I the Asshole??

I quit my old job a year and a half ago, and since then it has been nothing short of mental hell. I have anxiety when I have days off,because I am just waiting for someone to call my phone and yell at me for something. As I worked alongside the direct and CEO of a small company. So anything that went wrong(no matter if I caused it or not) was my fault. Constantly on eggshells, whenever I would talk to them about remotely anything. They would constantly bring up the fact that I am a woman in a male dominated field. Which I was well aware, but I wasn’t aware that being followed home from work, called outside of my name, and blame for literally everything, was part of the job description. I missed holidays, birthdays, and even the birth of my niece and nephew. When my nonna (grandmother) passed away they didn’t count it as a person I was close enough to, and had to beg to have the day off for her funeral. Which was unpaid until I fought with them on it. The day of my dad’s anniversary of him passing, I requested the day off, the director called and screamed at me because I wasn’t there and I could lose my job. Even though he told me weeks prior that I could have it off. The boss’s son would harass me daily, to the point my hygiene went to crap because I did not want to come off like I was looking to be harassed as they would say. He would constantly tell me to leave my fiancé for him as his dad owned part of the business, and I felt disgusting every single day. The last straw was when during the holidays of 2021, I contracted C19 because they allowed people in the building with no mask, and would mock about how the virus is. After I was diagnosed and was urged to rest and quarantine, I called my boss and apologized for getting ill, because he was upset with me that I got ill in the first place. And that it could have been completely prevented. So day after day that I was trying to rest, I would receive phone calls about how crappy of a worker I was, how I did nothing right. So I shut off my phone at that point. Until I thankfully recovered and returned to work. That same day that I returned to work, I ended up being rushed to the hospital with a heart rate of 160 and had my first ever panic attack. After I returned and busted my butt to show I am a great worker; I was then declined a raise since my performance fell during the time I was ill. So I quit a few months shortly after finding a new job. Since then, I have not felt right since. Mentally, I am still scared, physically I am not okay, and I have spoken to therapist, I have went to several doctors, psychiatrist, and still feel like everything is my fault. That I am not a good person, and that life is how it is now, because I caused all of it. Even though I graduated with my bachelors degree as valedictorian and just recently received my masters.
If you have read this far, I thank you dearly, from the bottom of my heart.

To keep a very long story short, I (female) and my boyfriend (male, older by a few years) have been dating for a year now. I am a high school student still and my bf is out of high school. we’ve had a very rocky relationship since the beginning and ti be honest i put up with so much more than i should have, from texting hideously with my cousin, and claiming they texted like that normally, (i met him through her at a family gathering), then he was having phone s3x with a girl and recoded it, which i found, his excuse was that i was asphyxiating him always being on top of him for thing, then he was giving likes to a bunch of naked girls on ig, he claims he wasn’t doing anything wrong, then i found a girl on dnd in his phone who said HI and then it was randomly deleted, then after swearing he wouldn’t talk to my cousin in the previous scenarios, he does and hides it from me then starts acting VERY weird, and now lastly i went in his camera roll from where we started dating and he had girls in his bed when we were dating. oh and let’s not forget two charges in two weeks of an only fans, obviously i haven’t used OF but he claims it’s because the girl he used to be subscribed to did something to his account and charged him because he used to have her before we dated. He changed his card like 3 months ago BTW. so here’s my dilema, i’m tired of all these lies, and i’m in high school, i want to be able to do things like any normal teen. go to hs parties, go out with friends, and have fun. he also lives in another city 3 hrs away which is another bad thing. my parents bought an apartment down there and we were going to move this summer but i don’t want to anymore. my dad and brother are on my side and think i’m too young to be putting up with this crap. my mom on the other hand thinks all relationships have problems and that “now he knows he loves you”. i, STUPIDLy, wanted to raise a doggy with him which my big dog had recently so i gave him one to take care of while i move, then she would be “ours” i really want the dog back because she’s mineeeee. so Am I the Asshole??

A 20-year-old Muslim man stabbed a 16-year-old Hindu girl 16 times and bludgeoned her head with a boulder, all of this in public while people walked by and did nothing!
What is wrong with our society? Why are we so afraid to intervene?
What would you have done in a similar situation? Would you have avoided getting involved and injuring yourself? Or would you have tried to save that girl?
Imagine if your daughter, wife, friend etc. was getting stabbed to death like this in public and no one came to help her. How would you feel?

So I have this thing with friends and breakups, I will never try to befriend ex’s of any of my close friends, because to me it feels like a betrayal of the friendship even if it’s platonic. Only exception to this would be if we were friends during their relationship or prior to, then that’s different. I’m wondering if its an unrealistic expectation to expect the same? Here’s the story
I found out my brother had a party and my ex was invited by one of their mutual friends. My brother never said a word to me about her being there. She told me, about a year after it happened. My brother and my ex were not friends before or during our relationship, they knew one another but that’s it.
Now, If it was my party I would have made it clear that my friend should not invite my brothers ex or anyone’s ex for the that matter.
I would do that because my brothers feelings are important to me and I would not want to create a situation where someone may feel hurt.
Is it an unfair expectation to assume it’s common sense that if you value someone as a friend or family member you would make sure their ex doesn’t attend a party you’re having? The fact that it was kept secret means they knew it was unfair or wrong and did it anyway. So also I’m curious as to what would motivate someone to do something they would have to hide and jeopardize their relationship with a family member?

Waving away the smoke from the poof. I did it. I made you stop scrolling. Takes a bow. I'll share a secret with you. Lean over to me please. I'm not really a magician. That said, I do have super powers. I'd like your undivided attention. You should pause your show, take a quick sip of your coffee, tea, and turn down your song. I hope your not baking, or driving while reading this. I'll wait thirty seconds and let you get comfortable. Cue Jeopardy music.
Ready now? Assuming you said yes. Here we go! I got you to stop scrolling, and I asked for your undivided attention. Now, I have to deliver an amazing post. Rolling around my neck. Clockwise and then counterclockwise. Doing one round of head, shoulders, knees, and toes. All warmed up. Look at you. See, you're already laughing, smiling, or at least smirking. Damn, I'm good. I'm modest too. wink-wink
Fiddle sticks, where was I. Oh I know, my super powers. For starters, I can pick perfect avocados every time. I'll wait while you re-read the previous sentence. Every single time, perfect avocados. Here's a tip. Go for the one that are less round and more oval shaped. I may share more later down the line...maybe. Sit down please, before I share my second super power. Cue Jeopardy music, again. Now that you're seated. I haven't lost a single sock to the dryer in over a decade. Yes, all my socks have a matching partner. Dont be jealous. I'm more than willing to share with you ONLY if you promise to use the information for good. I'll stop "bragging" for now. I'm modest, remember.
I share some of what I use as my regular life aka super hero cover up. Nature is my happy place, especially the water. I find it therapeutic. Nothing, like the smell of rain before it actually rains. I'm a PPD (Proud Plant Dad). Plants teach me so much about me and life. I mentioned my super powers, so it's only right I mention my kryptonite. You wouldn't hold it against me right. Sushi...it's Sushi. That's my kryptonite. I've embrace self-love/car and I understand that when im my best, all those connected to me all benefit. You should probably buy a portable charger. You'll need it with all the memes, gifs, music, and dad jokes we'll be sending each other. I love to hold kitchen concerts while we cook together. I have lots of hobbies and other interest. I play a mean air guitar. I've held you long enough. You should probably get back to your movie, baking/cooking, prep for the work week etc. I've been a Dom for nearly a decade. I've also had the pleasure of mentoring two other doms. It's something I'm passionate about. I understand and appreciate how beautiful a healthy D/s dynamic can be when built on trust, open/honest communication and chemistry. No rush, no pressure just a conversation for now. Talk to you soon. Abracadabra, poof I disappear

I've posted in here before about having an unexplained 'diagnosis' but to summarize, hubby and I have been actively trying for 2.5 years, I've done MANY medicated cycles monitored and unmonitored, countless ultrasounds, 2 clear HSG tests, my husband has testing done and nothing was seemingly wrong with us that we can't have a successful pregnancy. I had 2 RE's in my city that I saw for a time each and with them did ultrasounds and an HSG test each and I had read my ultrasound paperwork and did point out to my first doctor that there was fluid accumulating in my right tube (hydrosalpinx) but he said because it was clear it was no big deal. My second doctor didn't even mention it so it was never on my radar. Well I finally got into a new clinic 2.5 hours away and had the most wonderful experience with an amazing doctor. I honestly got the encouragement to continue and find a new clinic from this group...and boy was it worth it. Shortly into our conversation she had said that based off of my previous ultrasounds, my right tube needs to be removed because she's confident this is our issue. That was confirmed later when an ultrasound was performed during this appointment. I can't fathom how this was overlooked for so long. And my unexplained infertility wasn't unexplained at all, it was on all of my ultrasounds for the last almost 3 years. It scares me how all doctors want to do is push you into IUI or IVF without even checking all the boxes to truly make sure that is the only option because if I had done it with this issue, I was told it may have still prevented pregnancy.

Hello everyone!
I had 2 tarot readings in the span of a month, about whether my ex will come back or not. Yesterday I had a reading with a tarot reader I trust a lot. My friend did as well. I was told that my ex is coming back to marry me (as first, different tarot reader said), while my friend was told that the guy she was interested in wanted something serious from her.
Today the guy sent to my friend to meet up indeed but she had to cancel the meeting due to personal reasons. The guy had followed a questionable account on Instagram while not answering my friend's message and answered my friend's message way later, by telling her she can call whenever she is ready and arrange the meeting. She confronted him, he answered "what's wrong with you" and eventually left her on read. So we figured out the guy had no serious intentions about my friend unfortunately.
Hearing this I doubted my own reading a bit, so I asked a third reader today. She needed my and ex's name, our star signs, our birthdates and my horoscope (the previous two used our names and our mothers' names).
So according to today's reading I should move on and a Leo is coming my way.
Now I am confused. I don't know which reading should I believe? Is it possible my negative thoughts today messed up the reading? Is it possible my friend messed up her own reading with her actions? Because if her reading got the opposite result by the same reader, it might affect mine too (she had also had many positive readings, almost all of them)

Hey all I'm back at it again cause what else am I gonna do with my spare time 🤷
Guess the main objective of this is to find some new interesting people to make a lasting bond with and maybe even more if things come to that, although I am straight so if any dudes are replying to this thinking I am of the gay variety you're barking up the wrong tree unless you wanna be friends cause that's cool still.
So to start this off I've been told I look either constantly drunk, pissed or high so that should give you an idea of what you're in for, I mean to a degree it's true.
Anyway about me, so gonna say I ain't into anime in the slightest of regards, just not my forte. I prefer comedies and drama types of shows.
I'm also into video and board games, photography, writing and music. Mostly music cause who tf wants to be left in silence with their own thoughts only to discover how fucked they are, that's just not a vibe.
For some reason I just exhude chaos energy so if you're alright with seeing "I did something dumb" pop up in your inbox then in your dude 😎
Don't really know what else to put, kinda hard to advertise yourself when you ain't got a clue how to make yourself sound interesting.
Anyway if you wanna message me then please for the love of god don't just put "hey" or something along those lines, make it interesting. Like I'm 23, my back ain't wait it used to be so it can't be carrying those dry ass conversations.
So to end it, have a great day/evening and hope to speak to you all soon :)

Chapter 1
Camila
I cursed under my breath when my car suddenly stopped in the most dangerous place in L.A.
I was in the middle of the road in a popular neighborhood where the enemy held a stronghold. They must not know a girl like me was stuck here — a lady carrying drugs worth hundreds of thousands in the trunk of her car.
I began to hit the steering with my fist and stared at the front of the car as if I would understand the problem by looking hard. Then, I sighed again. This was indeed a terrible situation. But I had learned not to panic in dire circumstances like this. All I needed was an idea of what I should do and do it fast.
I picked up my phone from the holder and dialed Lucio's line. It rang and rang, but he didn't answer. That was Don, the man who sent me on this mission. He was a busy man and wouldn't answer random calls unless it had to do with successful delivery.
But I was in danger, and he could lose me and the goods in the car.
I looked out of the window to have a clear view of my location. The Gerrard Lorenzo cartel dominated these areas. I would be skinned alive and fed to the dogs if they knew I was one of Lucio's girls.
I removed the key from the ignition and tried again, but the car only stuttered for a few seconds and stopped. My heart had begun to beat fast and repeatedly. The time was getting late, and I began to imagine wild and dangerous stories — of assaults and girls who lost many things or their lives for being the mafia moll for a cartel. What would happen if a swarm of boys (drug dealers) came around and found out I was that girl?
I was the girl who pushed drugs for Lucio — the Spanish guy who terrorized them, the enemies, with his ways.
I picked up my phone and dialed his line again. He had told me to move the drugs to those who would sell them in Beverly Hills and return home as soon as possible. My job was to be fast and carry the money home without hassle. The phone rang for a few minutes, and I said to myself, “Please, Lucio, pick up, pick up,” many times.
He didn't pick up the call, though, and my anxiety multiplied.
I looked out the window to my left and saw a four-story building. I could not step down and ask for help, and I dared not leave the car alone to look for help. I couldn't open the trunk for any stranger because of the bags in the trunk. There were four of them, and all of them were fully stacked. This was my job, using my beauty as a tool to drive safely through the street and handling drugs for those who paid for it.
Trying to start the car again, I said a little wish as I turned the ignition. It stuttered like it did before and stopped. I needed to update Lucio pretty fast. I had been on the road many times and on long journeys, and I knew when it wasn't safe.
I heard a car coming along, so I pulled out my pistol from my pants. I had rarely fired a gun except some years ago when I was made to punish a guy who tried to assault me. Lucio made me do it.
The car drove past without care that another vehicle was parked and the occupant was a young woman.
I put my pistol back in my pants and tried to start the engine again. For the hundredth time, it failed to start. The only option was to call for help, the fastest I could get. So, I picked up my phone and called the only person I knew could answer on time. David. He was one of the soldiers and lived some hours away from here. He had helped many times like this. Sometimes, he would send a boy to come around, and sometimes, he would go around himself and bail me out. Not usually in cases of stuck cars, but those involving police and street fights. He had been the guy.
I called him thrice and listened to the phone ring each time, but he didn't answer. My hands began to shake as I put the phone down. The night would get late, and when it came to moving drugs, this amount of drugs, I should have a way to protect myself in case anything went wrong. The night, too, was my best bet.
I pulled out the gun again and stepped out of the car. First, I put it closer to my left hand and stood outside the vehicle. Then, I opened the hood, trying to see if there was something I could touch that would miraculously save the day. Then, I would run the errands, return to my place, and text Lucio I had delivered the package. Once my job was done, I would get paid.
Nothing made sense under the car hood. They were just metals and bolts and wires.
I heard footsteps coming along the road and looked up toward the place. They were boys, and you could tell they had been drinking from the slurry words they threw around to how they laughed like they were being paid extra if they could sound a little louder than the person beside them.
I was fucked. They were five in number, and my mind went to the last time I had a moment like this. If Lucio hadn't intervened, three boys could have assaulted me ten years ago. That was the beginning of our relationship.
I put my hand on my waist and grabbed the gun's handle. I wouldn't pull it out if they didn't do anything stupid. But if they did, so help me, God, they would be dead in a minute.
"Ma'am, do you need help?" I heard the voice from a distance. Before I could turn my head, two boys were beside me, looking down at the inside of the car. "Try to start the car, ma'am," one said.
I rushed to the driver’s seat and tried to start the engine. The boys told me to stop, and they began to do a few things. They were probably college students returning from a party? I couldn't figure out what they were doing with the car. All I knew was I would be happy if they could start the engine.
The engine started. They worked on it for a few minutes, and it made a blaring sound and started. I almost jumped for joy. Then, I got out of the car.
"Thank you so much," I said.
"If you have booze in the car, we will appreciate it," one of them, who had done nothing with the car, said.
"I don't have booze, but I've got this," I said, bringing out five hundred dollar notes. I handed them the cash, and they thanked me. Then, they walked away in the other direction.
I started my car and drove toward Beverly Hills, where I would deliver the drugs.
The road was quiet because it was in the dead of the night. I was a little late to deliver the drugs, but this usually happens. Sometimes, you get to where you want to go on time. Sometimes, you must take a different route because you got tipped that the cops were on the way. The bags of drugs were stacked with some bar soap, too. It had never helped during the search, but I had never been stopped and searched for the past two years I worked for Lucio.
I arrived at my destination some hours later and drove into the compound. There was the usual flirting with the guys. Then, they took the bags out of the vehicle. The drugs were tested, and I was allowed to go. I texted Don instantly. This time, he read the text but didn't reply.
Soon, I was on the raid again, like the driver that I was. One delivery in the middle of the night, and I had been paid more than I could earn as a bartender. I could have stopped working at the bar, but Don owned the place and needed me there. He trusted me with his affairs and business. We could get married in the future when he was ready, but I was sure that was a big lie.
I was close to the road that led to my house when I saw a car behind me. I saw the light flashing before my eyes. I tried to keep it off, but it followed like a parasite would follow its host. This was a chase, and driving was one of my favorite hobbies besides dancing on the pole. Stripping was my job some years back.
So, I hoped the car wouldn't fail me again as I began to speed. This was the road between Beverly Hill and San Diego., and it was dark and lonely.
Eventually, my car failed me and pulled over when I needed it to start moving fast. I held my pistol and looked at the inner mirror.It was too late to fight, and it was time to accept defeat. Holy Mary, forgive my sins, I said. Damn, I had forgotten how to pray the rosary or anything related to the church.
I put my gun down and waited.
Then, someone corked a gun from a dark distance. Footsteps began approaching, and I shut my eyes and raised my hand. This was probably a message for our Don, for something he had done wrong or had been doing. A gun was pointed at me through the side window, and I looked up to see it.
More tears pushed out of my eyes, and I shut them tighter like I was ready for a final call. Then, the sound of a gunshot followed. I was not the one who fell, but the man standing by the car door.
I looked around the area and saw a man coming along. He corked his gun again, and the vehicle behind started, and a few gunshot exchanges followed.
I didn't know what to do, but sitting and screaming didn't help. So, I lay down in the car and stifled my screams by biting my lips hard.
Some minutes passed, and everything died down. I got up slowly and looked out of the side mirror and at the road. Two men were on the floor, the one who had tried to shoot me and another man who had appeared like an angel and shot at the first man.
One was dead, and the other was bleeding out by the side of his arm. At first, I wanted to drive off. This was what Lucio would have wanted me to do. He would like it if I had run for my life. But if this other man had not risked his life as he did, it would be my body lying dead now and not his.
I opened the door of the car and looked at the man. He was still breathing but on the floor, almost dead.
"Hello, sir," I asked.
He didn't answer, but I noticed he tried to move or lift his hands up.
So, I ran closer to him.
"Sir, I can get help," I said.
He shook his head. He got on his feet as if he had not been shot or bleeding badly. He stared at me like he was not there, just a moving body without life. A ghost. "You should get out of here. They will come back for his body," he said. Then, he began to walk down the road. He only took a few steps when he crashed on the floor and collapsed completely.
I rushed towards him and noticed he had passed out. If I could get him home, I could get him some help. So, I began to drag his body toward his car.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0C41F6W2W

It was at midnight exactly when everyone who was awake promptly passed out.
It wasn't an instant 'fall to the ground like a corpse' mass unconsciousness. It was just this sudden and intense state of exhaustion that made it impossible to stay awake.
Ours was a mining town, averaging around 70,000 population, and recently being hit by recession that made finding work a pain in the ass. And with the mine running dry, it was all we could do to keep afloat.
I was out for a stroll when the exhaustion hit, I was crossing the street when this oppressively heavy state of exhaustion just hit me. I panicked, of course, thinking that I was having a stroke or something, desperately trying to get to the other side of the crosswalk.
Then darkness.
It was the sunlight that woke me up, I squinted in the hellishly bright light and fumbled around for my sunglasses. Why I kept sunglasses on my person in the dead of night was because I was that kind of asshole who wanted to look cool. My mileage definitely varied on that front, but it was at least an attempt.
Still, when I managed to find them, confused as to why I was on hot asphalt, I put them on, only for them to immediately fall off. I was forced to open my eyes, and that's when I saw my hands.
At first, I thought it was the mother of all sunburns, being so bright red, but when the sound came out of my mouth, I knew something had gone terribly wrong. First and foremost, I was covered in bright red scales, I had these short, sharp claws at the end of my hands, on top of which my feet were utterly fucked up, and I had a tail.
I scrambled for my phone, wondering if it would even register my touch, Thankfully, it did.
You know those memes where someone takes a picture of an animal, and it looks really fucking funny? Guess whose first picture was like that. I turned on the camera, flipped the camera so I could see myself on the screen, and accidentally took a picture as my new snout filled the screen.
I tried to get up, but I realized that my clothes were too big, and that I had gone from a solid 6 feet and dropped to a measly three. Bear in mind, the average height of a person with dwarfism is a solid four, and I know this because I did an entire project on it in ninth grade.
I had no idea what the hell I was, if I was the only person like this, and I was forced to use my XL shirt to cover my otherwise naked body, tearing the shit out of it with my new feet claws, and being faced with the reality that being a three-foot lizard meant I had to crawl through my dog door.
Thankfully, Brutus didn't even seem phased, he just walked up to me, tail wagging, and very much wanting to be pet, which I did, very carefully. I needed something pure and wholesome in the world to keep me from going insane.
That was around six AM.
Now, googling 'Help, I've turned into a three foot lizard' didn't help at all, and I sure as shit didn't want to walk all of the way to my parent's house and potentially freak them out, but I did have my brother.
James is a furry, I'll just say it flat out. Like, an absolute turbo furry. It had taken me time to get used to the idea that he liked furry characters, and I knew a lot of the art he liked dealt with this kind of situation.
I was desperate, and I needed someone on my side. When I called him, it rang and then went to voicemail, and I proceeded to continuously call him, because he will eventually wake up. I got ready to call him again when a notification came up saying he wanted to FaceTime.
I braced myself for his inevitable squeeing when he saw I'd been transformed into a tiny little lizard.
I didn't expect him to be one as well.
Of course, he was the one who was fucking ecstatic, and it took me a lot of attempts to get him to listen to me, which he eventually did.
"Bro." I said, the words slipping out of my mouth weird. I had to carefully enunciate, moving a tongue that was completely alien to me inside of a mouth that didn't work the way I was used to. "What the thuck ith going on?" I asked. "Do you haff any idea what ith going on."
It was painful, really. Of course my brother spoke fluently. It didn't occur to me until he was halfway through his diatribe about TF triggers that I said, "Hey, wait, you're speaking another language." I paused. "I'm speaking another language!"
Like, it all translated into English for me, but we were very much speaking a language that was full of sibilants and yips, yaps, and naks.
"Oh, yeah. That's Yipyak." He said.
"What the fuck is a Yipyak, and if this is some sort of deez nuts joke, I'm going over there and clawing you."
So he explained that we were both Kobolds, creatures from Dungeons and Dragons, and our native language was Draconic, more specifically a pidgin language known as Yipyak.
"Alright, scholar of the Kobolds, what do we do about this situation, because people are going to freak out."
"Brother." He said. "There's no way in hell it's just us."
Part of me knew he was right, but I absolutely did not want to believe it.
Naturally, people gathered around the Town Hall.
The screaming started around eight AM, as people woke up to find themselves turned into Kobolds. Some of them were screaming in joy, others were as horrified as I was, but that wasn't the worst part.
Only half of us were Kobolds.
Mom and Dad picked us up, because they could reach the pedals. They were, of course, very concerned, but they helped us out because they loved us.
Most of the people who arrived who had been turned into Kobolds had to make due with shirts hiked up to their waists and tied off with a belt, the rest just stood around. Naked. There was one weirdo who just made a loincloth and was looking very proud of himself.
Weirdly enough, I actually kind of wanted one.
So, there we were, engaging in what was effectively a cultural exchange between the nerds and furries and the rest of us normal folk. Really, the only explanation as to how and why this happened was. "Fucked if we know, but it has knock-on implications for the rest of the universe."
The Humans- wow, that was a thought I just had, and not one I could just not have- The Humans were of course upset that this had happened and that our entire town was facing a crisis that we didn't know how to deal with.
But the furries had hypotheses.
First, the facts as we knew them. Exactly half of our population had been transformed. The only people who transformed were the D&D nerds and the furries, with the rest being directly related. The transformation only seemed to only effect family members in the same generation, which is why a husband and wife were Kobolds, but their kids weren't. Finally, there was nothing like this happening anywhere else in the world.
Therefore, the hypotheses were thus:
A. Some sort of wild magic surge triggered the transformation. And yes, magic was real because some of us could use it. Me included.
B. The D&D universe actually existed and was bleeding into reality. This excited the D&D players, because it meant they could go on an adventure.
C. There was a Dragon somewhere, maybe in the mine, and it wanted minions. Nobody liked this idea. Well, nobody said they liked it. I felt weirdly okay with it.
D. This was just Some Weird Shit, so let's just move on.
Naturally, someone leaked what happened, the government came, and, well, that's when we discovered that anyone entering the town limits had a roughly 50/50 chance of getting instantly turned into a Kobold. We also determined we could leave, but the way was blockaded because nobody wanted this to spread.
To the government's credit, they didn't take away our civil liberties to dissect us, they just showed up, brought scientists, and started trying to figure out what was going on.
The rest of us just had to adjust.
We couldn't really live in our own houses anymore, I mean, they're not even built for people with Dwarfism, it was even worse for us because we couldn't even reach the counter. So we just did the best we could. Some carpenters got together and started building houses that were proportional to our size. Kitchen appliances weren't going to be of any real help, so we just had to make due with houses that didn't have any electricity, but at least worked well with space heaters.
One of the best things about these houses was that they were quick to make and were easy to navigate. Some of the people built medieval-style housing, which I found myself increasingly attracted to as a place to live. Some of the D&D players were part of something called the Society of Creative Anachronism, and they hand made a lot of clothes that, for whatever reason, my stupid little Kobold brain liked, so here I was in a thatch-roofed house proportional to my size in medieval clothing that I could not fathom why I liked it.
In fact, I'm beginning to hate who I used to be.
The first sign that I was experiencing a dislike of my Human body was when I saw a picture of me and just got angry. Like, I smashed the frame against the floor and tore the thing to shreds before I got a hold of myself.
I catch myself only talking in Yipyak, and being annoyed when I have to switch to English. Not to mention, I've begun practicing magic. I can't explain how it works, I just know it works, it's helped me keep the place clean.
I know how to cast six of these spells, though, two of them exhaust me. The D&D nerds identified them as 'Prestidigitation, Mage Hand, Mending, Firebolt, Detect Magic, and Magic Missile.' Basically, the power do to a lot or really minor effects, the ability to create a magic hand that does whatever I want it to, the ability to fix some things, and the ability to throw fire at something- all at will. As well as the ability to see magic and the ability to throw magic at something that will always hit.
A lot of utility.
So with Detect Magic, I was able to determine that the town was surrounded in a cylindrical magic field, I actually took the time to help mark the border so people wouldn't accidentally become a Kobold. Other things I was able to figure out was that it was a '9th level' spell with Transmutation.
"Oh, that's Mass Polymorph! But that spell only effects ten creatures."
"Well, whatever it is, it's made a hell of a mess of things." I said.
Well, something came out of the mine earlier today, it was a giant fucking rat, and I used Magic Missile to kill it. I was halfway through skinning it when I realized I was skinning it, and that I had never skinned an animal before. I kept at it, and brought it to the warren.
The warren?
Yeah, that word fits.
I have these weird moments of self-awareness where I suddenly remember what life used to be like, and how much I had changed. How much the others changed. Some of them had changed their names , and I realized with a start that I didn't want my name anymore.
But there's another one that's just on the tip of my tongue.
Ruuk.
A Kobold came up to me, wanting some help with something. He said my old name and all I could say in response was, "My name is Ruuk."
He didn't even question it, and immediately started using it. I helped out with what he needed- he'd broken his hoe and needed it fixed, which I obliged.
It struck me, as we hit our first year of this, that I didn't want to go back to being a Human.
​
[Navigation for 'Dragon Rising'- [1] [2]]

So. I am in my early thirties. I‘m just going to sum up what my father is like (he certainly doesn’t have a personality disorder but he is - let’s say -troubled) and I would like some opinions on the kind of person he is just by merely describing his actions. He cheated on my mum when I was roughly 5 years old, for about 6-9 months, in my parents shared bed in their apartment. My mum was living in another city in my grandparents home at the time, together with me so they would take care of me and she could pursue her studies. My dad was supposed to follow and until my mum found out about the cheating, he came over every weekend. Then of course came the divorce and he married the woman he cheated with. Every weekend, when he picked me up from the train station when I visited, he made me feel ashamed and incredibly anxious. I would often forget things and when I arrived, he would lecture me and yell at me and intimidate me in public for what I had done (e.g. not bring enough clothes or forget to charge my phone). Also we once went to a farmer’s market when he picked me up, together with his wife and at a stand, one of the ppl working there said something like : „you can give this to your mum“ and I said „that is not my mum“. Later, his wife complained to him how that sentence had hurt her deeply and he went on to tell me how I had hurt her feelings and should not do/ say such thing ever again. On weekend visits, he always found things to make me feel ashamed or genuinely terrified of him and his unpredictable outbursts, he would then tell me to go to my room and reflect on what I had said / done (I was like 7 or 8) and later I had to tell him everything I had supposedly done wrong. He would also publicly shame me until I was crying and wait until I calmed down and in the moment I calmed down and he noticed I’d stop crying, come back to lecture me again so I would start crying again (because in his anger he feels righteous to punish and make you feel bad for your „mistakes“) Fast forward: when I was 12, he had my first half brother. I visited for the first year or so, until one day his wife (she probably didn’t sleep much) yelled at me when I was staring blankly ahead which she interpreted as me staring at her breastfeeding. „Stop staring at me like that!!“ That was shortly before I was supposed to take he train home and I couldn’t stop crying for hours. Self explanatory by now I never got an apology for the way she‘d hurt my feelings or that my dad would step in for me. Then she got pregnant with the second child and my dad stopped calling me. Before this, he tried to take my mother’s custody away because supposedly she was neglecting me (which is not true, but she couldn’t do it all because she was a single mum). Then we did speak again after a couple years, when I was 18. he then stopped speaking to me again after I had some struggles to start my studies due to mental health issues (he was paying me and angry I didn’t follow through with anything yet also didn’t ask me or start a civil conversation but instead wrote me an official letter with heading and title saying he‘d cut my alimony payments). The past years, it was a rather lose contact with one visit three years ago - until he called me for my birthday (so far like he did every year except for those with no contact) and went on for half an hour about how intelligent and great and smart and all the things his older son is. From then on, I tried to ignore every call as best as I could. Then last year was the cherry on the icing, my brother called and wanted to talk, so we did and he just casually explained to me how my dad told the two of them stories of how I was bullied in school (which are intimate stories for me and I barely know my brothers) and, even worse, stories of the things my mother supposedly had done to fuck me up, e.g. I quote „force her from therapist to therapist“. I then went on to cut off all contact but I since cannot get over the fact that he keeps telling them stories and I have no control over what he tells strangers (strangers to me) about my life and which of my vulnerabilities he gives to them when I know nothing about them in return. Him controlling The entire narrative and leaving out all the details that could make HIM look bad makes me feel so helpless and he doesn’t care, thinks that this is completely normal behavior because triangulation was modeled to him with his own father (who was a sicko btw). I feel betrayed and used as a means for him to strengthen his bond with his sons). Anyway, I often feel like my story isn’t „bad enough“?

So just watched the episode where Becky’s mom basically was like, “You’ll show up for your brother right? We both know he did nothing wrong.”
Like, excuse me, ma’am but what?! Lol how in the Hell would Jesus/God approve of what Luke did with an unconscious child? With the video proof at that.😅
Especially the way her family was treating her like, wtf.
WWJD 🤣

is it a relationship killer?
I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly a year and he is great in so many aspects. I have something I need some advice on though. Is this a yellow/red flag OR just my own insecurities?
My boyfriend and I met at the gym. He’s in SIGNIFICANTLY better shape than I am as he’s been a “gym rat” for like 5+ years where as I’ve only be goin at it for about a year. For a few months, he was posting on his personal Instagram about him posing (fitness wise) and like how influencers do but not trying to post workouts. But he also has a small business and wanted to focus on growing that more instead. So he ditched the physique posing and fitness posting and started posting more of his small business stuff. (Videography and photography).
He will post about me on his business page as he will take photos and videos of the quality that go on there. But NEVER on his personal page. (Which he’s still active on bc he posts on his story of his animals, hobbies, etc). ^ this bothers me. Because I feel like he’s not proud to post about me in his personal stuff and only posts about me on his other page bc it’s with his equipment and does in turn promote his business.
Another thing is is while he’s been at this fitness stuff he does follow A LOT of fitness influencers and “models”. Which the actual influencers I don’t care about but the “models” I do because they post provocative and sexual shit and that’s just annoying to me. I confronted him about this and told him exactly that ^ and asked him what was so special that he wanted to follow them even after getting in to a committed relationship. He said “I appreciate their work ethic and the hard work they put in to their bodies.” Which - ??? I expressed my discomfort with it afterwards. And he didn’t unfollow them and I don’t know. It rubs me the wrong way. I had a friend who he expressed discomfort with and after we became a couple I spoke about him and he actually raised his voice at me and said “I don’t get why you’re still fucking friends with him”. So I set boundaries on being spoken to like that but did take it and implied it.
I just don’t ask for much - he moved in with me after a really bad situation that happened to him a few months ago and doesn’t help with rent, splits half of the groceries, and seldomly helps with the utilities. He will help clean and will cook but he does work full time as well and makes well money. I make a smidge more but I am always strapped due to medical bills as well as paying over $2.5k in household bills while he pays maybe $300 a month to our household stuff. I barely ask for him to help money wise but am always upset due to budgeting.
So I just feel like a social media tift is the bare minimum to help in our relationship when I don’t really complain about bigger things.

I’m married for 11 months to a person I chose. I was brought up in a family where my father was mostly away. My mother was very young when she conceived me, she was a teen. So you can realise the trauma i might have been through. To give an idea, after turning 15 I came to know my mother was raped by my father. So I’ve my own struggles coping with all these. I developed anxiety, co-dependency. My past relationships didn’t help either. A 7 yr relationship ended because of my ex’s addiction problem. So I really struggle with believing people, or their intentions with me.
However, a year ago I decided to marry a person I’ve known for over a decade. He was a friend and when things turned romantic I was head over heels for him. The transition was so smooth. There was no awkwardness. But the red flags I ignored was love bombing, him turning away just a few months after we got together. I also saw a controlling side of him. He can get very possessive and angry. He’s very rigid with what he believes in. If I’m being honest I didn’t take much time exploring our relationship. I had good faith in him as he has been an amazing friend, our chemistry was spot on. But he has this cycle where he will get angry at the smallest things i.e me being upset/distant. And I’ve believed for a long time I cause his anger. I’ve tried to mend my “ways” like limiting my alone time or not becoming silent and addressing the issues. But nothing seems to help. His pattern is always the same, he gets angry, he screams at me, he says very hurtful things, he blames me for his actions but then he APOLOGISES!! Admits he was wrong and promises to never do this again. But this cycle doesn’t stop.
To give an idea, A few days before we got married, he pointed out how my family wasn’t doing anything “special” for him, which really hurt me. As I had to sacrifice a lot, and had zero demands from him. I was very understanding about the whole situation and all I really wanted was to marry the love of my life, that was my only focus. And so the most expenses in my wedding was done by my family. I bought him expensive gifts with my own money, I also shared the hotel booking cost with him for our nuptial night. Even if you keep these financial responsibilities aside, our whole wedding was planned and executed to every details by me only. I had just gotten into a job but managed to do do it all in less than 3 weeks. And after we got married, my father paid every expense for me to be with him in a foreign country where he is pursuing his masters. I did all the research and paperwork, whatever was needed. And i did all of these HAPPILY for him. I didn’t expect an extravagant wedding or gifts from him. We didn’t even get to go on a honeymoon. And I was understanding about every single thing.
But during that argument, just two days before our wedding, he got a little handsy with me for the first time. Grabbing my face/neck, telling me how he is to blame for giving me so much “courage” to disrespect him. Simply ‘cause I told him he was small minded for even thinking like that. Because I was very hurt by it. It seemed like he was taking all of these for granted. And since we got married this has happened atleast 4 times. He has promised to see a therapist for this, because he too believed he needs it. But it’s been weeks and he doesn’t make effort. Tonight I brought it up and he told me how hard I am on him, How much I hurt him, How I’m not doing enough for him.
I’m not in a good headspace to write but if I summarise my abusiveness-

1. I am toxic as in I become silent when I can’t emotionally cope with a situation.
   
2. I give silent treatment that can be hurtful.
   
3. If he uses sentences like “you’ll never change” “you are so hard on me” “nothing will make you happy” I get extremely triggered and my reactions can be ugly. I get very confrontational and I get really angry too.
   
4. If we fight I always bring up previous issues (that still haven’t been resolved).
   
5. I jump to conclusions very easily. I use sentences like: I will leave you if this continues. Or that I will go back to my parents. Or you’ve ruined my life.
   
6. One time I during our fight I got scared that he might hit me, so I pushed him, hit him in the chest telling him to get away. But he hadn’t really hit me. And this made him cry uncontrollably. (But I’ve never repeated it and I will never again do this to a person I love so wholeheartedly.)
   
7. Whenever he starts shouting I try to leave the room this causes him to hold me down.
   

I have really been trying to acknowledge and minimise my toxicity to make this work. But I hardly ever start a fight or even If do I don’t make things nasty. I always hope it will go as a normal conversation where I’ll be heard and understood. And if not I won’t be abused at-least. I’ve really tried to communicate things to him instead of going silent but it seems like that causes more argument.
30 mins ago I was uncontrollably sobbing and looking down from the terrace in a trance thinking of jumping off.. simply cause I am not being able to process. I know tomorrow morning I’ve to patch things up with him and accept his apologies and move on. And things will be good for another week too until it’s not. I’m going crazy trying to figure out where I’m wrong? It’s like no matter what I do or say can be turned against me. And all the pain and hard work I go through seems meaningless.
Note: I’m in a foreign country with him and I don’t have health insurance. So I can’t access therapy or seek professional help if I want to. I’m supporting myself with a small job since he’s a student. So don’t suggest psychiatrist or therapy for me. We also can’t go into couple counselling. Please share your valuable opinions/suggestions on what to do.
Tl;dr: Even though my husband has anger issues who gets angry for the smallest thing and sometimes gets a little handsy, I am still unsure if I’m playing any role to cause it. I don’t react loudly like him but I get distant. I give silent treatment. I try to wake up and leave mid-argument if he starts shouting. I bring up previous issues in fight that haven’t been resolved. I jump to conclusions and threaten to leave him when things turn ugly between us.

So i had a friend a girl. She was just a friend she is comitted also. A really very good friend of mine since two years. We are in the same university. We both are media students so we get into this friendship because of a project a film. Discussion of ideas and more topics related to our field make us engage more into this friendship. We shared everything about ourselves and after a time we shared a single thing on the day we did. The connection becomes so strong that we both talk for hours on text. But 2 months before i noticed that she is not replying and not messaging me so i asked her what happend? are you ignoring me and she said yes! That bothers me very much i was confused could not even ask her the next question why? Cause it was first time that she did this like if we had any problem or something if she dosen't like anything we just talk and clear things and moved on. But when she said ignoring i got confused. But i didn't took it seriously and time passed and i forgot. Then i noticed many changes in her like some sort of distance comes between us. One of our mutual friend invite us in her house. I went there and 2 of our friends also came but she didn't showed up as her mother was sick. And our friendship was like our all friends know that we are both like two bodies one soul. Friends aks about her to me i told them the reason of her mother that why she didn't come. But i talked to them as i have nobody to share that i was thinking too much about the change and gap between us. So as she was comitted also so at some point i said maybe she is facing some relationship issues or her patner maybe don't like our friendship cause there were so many questions coming in my mind those days that why is she having problem with me cause we were both different. Those friends also shared some issues they saw in her and the changes they were seeing in her. Time passed i and her talk casually sometimes and all things become normal but we talk less than before and we were happy when she said time is not same as it is always. In ramadan she invited us in her house for iftar party i didn't go because it was sudden plan at 3pm and i had workload in office and she lives too far from my office. After that day i don't know what happened? That those friends they unfriend me from social media and she also did unfriend me from some platforms i noticed this after a week i was just randomly sharing meme on tik tok and i could'nt find her account and it was too shocking me that she and those friends are not in my friend list.. I didn't knew how to react and i was so angry that i didn't expect this imaturity from any of them. One of those friends work with me in the same office and she didn't make realize of anything bad. I asked her on whatsapp as my other colleagues were sitting besides us so i mesaaged that mutual friend that you removed me from the account and blocked me? or it was a glitch? she said no i did blocked you and i am mad. I really was so upset and can't explain what was going with me at that moment. Than i message that friend that you also unfriend me and she said so many things but what she said and what makes me more angry was she said i didn't expected this from you that you said so many bad things about me to our friends and who are you to talk about my relationship to others... I was like dude they were also your friends and we dicussed the things they already knew and they also know about your relationship and i will not let you know the things they told me about you but the thing is why are you pissed? if you are not responding me and i get to other friends to get a solution for both of us.. Cause i was helpless i didn't knew what is going on in your mind? She was pissed on me and the most hurting thing is when i got to knew that those friend who were calling me to show up on iftar psrty i don't know what they told her what were there discussion that night? they all unfriend me. And after talking to that friend i told her that it is good for both of us that we better not talk. That was our last conversation. There were so many many question always comes in mind ... Why? cause now i have no one to ask about this. If this was a relationship or we have any other connection then maybe there was chance that things were get turned wrong or something. But it.was only a friendship and a very good friendship 🥲 I got some trust issues now i don't know!
Please ignore grammer.

(Pt. 1) An additional thanks to u/An_Insufferable_NEWT for letting me borrow one of his characters.
...And now for the conclusion.
​
= = =
​
Evelra swore. They had come here to uplift humanity from barbarism, not let the powers that be enable humanity’s worst elements while the selfsame Noble cunts indulged in their own pubescent masturbatory power fantasies. Fuck this. She thought to herself with a growl and flicked her comms channel to all units.
​
“All forces, this is Captain Evelra. The goddess-damned governess’s private militia have opened fire on the civies. Arrest those brother-fucking [bastards] on sight before they can fuck this mess up any further!” She barked over the comms, a bit of local English slipping into her words. She couldn’t call them stiffs; the latter had more class than this.
​
“Capt, we’ve got three APCs in militia markings barreling down the road in front of the Governess’s mansion from the west. ETA 30 seconds. This is about to get messy.” Prex’s voice cut in with a false calm lent by years of experience.
​
Evelra could feel the material of her suit creak as her hands briefly tightened into hardened fists. “All west side Pods converge on Pod 7, support Lieutenant Eleynor. Eastern Pods, evac the civies. And Prex? Keep the late arrivals occupied. Don’t let these fuckers get another shot off.” She growled, her Second giving a brief click of acknowledgement over the comms before switching channels to give orders of her own.
​
Turning back to face Isaiah, Evelra reached a hand down to grab the elder by his medical exoskeleton and hoisted him to his feet. “Looks like the Governess ran out of patience. Get your people out of here, we’ll deal with this.” She explained brusquely, jabbing one finger towards the eastern side of the boulevard. She could apologize for womanhandling him later, right now every second counted.
​
The moment she was sure he had his feet under him, the marine captain let go and tried to move on Eleynor’s position with all due haste. “Out of the way! MOVE!” Evelra shouted as she strode forward, the sea of humans doing their best to get out of her path. Already, people were starting to scramble as panic spread like wildfire. She could hear the cries of terror and confusion all around her; shouted orders from the protest organizers and her own marines were almost inaudible against the din as they tried to control the chaos.
​
As she neared pod 7’s position, a horrifying scene unfolded before her. In the shadow of the buildings, at least a dozen of the protesters were currently on fire. Harsh yellow and orange flames rose from the flailing figures to form hazy gray clouds of smoke that hung heavy in the air. Even more humans were covered in burn marks and charred clothes. One woman just sat there, trembling and numb from shock as she stared her bloody arm; the melted remains of her synthetic shirt peeling away with boiled skin. Amidst the chaos, the other protesters were doing everything from trying to help the wounded and burning to running in panic and terror; the latter creating a solid wave of bodies in front of Evelra as they stumbled over one another to flee the danger.
​
From out of sight, she saw one of the Governess’ militia-kitted thugs go flying; only to watch them get back up and charge in to fight whom Evelra assumed to be Pod 7. Shil’vati might be stronger, but when equally equipped, outnumbered and against human reflexes she knew that fight wasn’t going to end well for her girls if the rest of the western Pods didn’t reach them soon. Then, one of the militiamen stepped forward towards the crowd.
​
As he strode boldly through the mayhem, Evelra could only watch while one of the protesters tried to confront him; the tide of humans preventing the marine captain from intervening. Inaudible words were exchanged, the protester shouting something as they gesticulated wildly. The Governess’ thug merely responded with two swift strikes of his rifle butt, first to the gut, then to the back of the head, the other man dropping like an anchor. In the distance, out of the corner of her eye, she numbly noted that the rest of the governess’ thugs had arrived and were using their APCs as cover between them and the Pods under Prexith’s command.
​
Evelra felt her gut sink as the militiamen shouldered his rifle once more, stepping out of the building’s shadow to take aim at the crowd. “EVERYBODY DOWN!” The marine captain roared as she planted her feet and pulled her sidearm in one smooth, practiced motion. Drawing a bead on the Governess’ thug, the panicked crowd tried to clear out of her way; but there were just too many people. She wasn’t going to make it in time. No, no more. Not-
​
The militiaman’s head disappeared.
​
A split second later, the now infamously familiar thunderous crack and echoing roar of a large bore human chemical ballistic rifle rolled over them as the corpse spasmed on its feet; a shockwave visibly rippling through the suit it was wearing. “SNIPER!” Somebody bellowed. It might have been her, but in that moment she honestly couldn’t tell. As the headless body crumpled to the ground in a fountain of red, the same gun roared out again… and again. In the distance she could see two sudden sprays of red splatter up the sides of the Militia APCs, one right after the other.
​
The echoes of gunfire galvanized the crowd into a further panic, a stampede of human protesters slamming into Evelra in their attempt to get away from the violence. For a moment, the marine captain thought she was going to get dragged under by the wave, but then they rolled past her, leaving her staggering into the clear. With the screaming of the crowd now behind her and her ears still ringing from gunshots it was oddly quiet once more, save for the groans of the wounded.
​
Not letting herself fall into the lull, Evelra kept moving forward only to nearly gag at the smell as she approached the corner of the building. Like a Blue Grail left in the summer sun for a week, the air was heavy with a putrid smoke, reminiscent of the scent of death itself. Quickly sealing her helmet, she took a shuddering breath of fresh air before looking up just in time to see a pair of the Governess’s thugs get bodily tackled into the pavement by Eleynor. The rest of treasonous Militia were either surrendering or trying to run like the Deep-Minder itself was behind them as more Marine Pods came charging around nearby street corners.
​
Watching the last treasonous bastards eat pavement, the marine captain strode up to the Militaman’s corpse and picked up his blood-stained rifle. Quickly turning the weapon over in her hands, Evelra took one look at its settings and nearly threw the gun away in disgust. Medium power, maximum dispersal. Against even the most basic of modern armor, such settings would be practically useless; but would make for a decent, if imprecise, fire starter. Which is exactly what they’d done. Of course, leave it to the humans to figure out how to turn the most basic of weapons into a tool of terror. She thought bitterly, adjusting the beam spread back to something more logical before strapping it’s sling to her harness.
​
Now properly armed for anything else the Deep-Minder might decide to throw at her, Evelra flicked open her wrist-mounted omnipad, the integrated AR display in her helmet seamlessly linking to it. A couple quick taps later and the captain had an outgoing call. As the phone line rang in her ear, she tried not to tap her foot, every second feeling like ten.
​
“911, what’s your emer-”
​
Before the woman on the other end could even finish her sentence, Evelra interrupted her. “This is Captain Evelra of the Imperial Marines, 4032nd company. We have at least a dozen, I repeat, at least a dozen critically injured burn victims at the corner of 3rd and Main. I need emergency Medivac for the critically wounded.” She barked into the mic.
​
There was a momentary pause on the other end accompanied by the sounds of a physical keyboard before shortly being followed by a muffled “Fuck.” Evelra shifted impatiently as one second dragged into the next. “Is something the matter?” The marine growled.
​
“Ahh… No ma’am.” The other woman’s voice was uncertain for a moment before steadying back out. “Just bypassing some red tape. Consider it done. ETA, ten minutes.” She said with a thermocast firmness. Evelra briefly considered hounding the woman for what exactly she meant by ‘red tape’ but decided against it. She sounded confident in her statement and ultimately there was nothing else Evelra could do about it at the moment.
​
“I’m going to hold you to that.” The marine captain growled before hanging up. One down. Looking up, she glanced over the growing crowd of Marines. Already, some of her girls were pulling out medkits and burn patches as they moved to help injured protesters; her AR display highlighting their ranks and names.
​
“Sergeant Quixana!” Evelra barked over the din.
“Ma’am!” The medic shouted back over one shoulder, barely looking up from the burn victim she was currently treating.
​
“We have civilian medivac for the burn victims inbound, ETA ten minutes. You have command over Triage. Anyone in critical condition they can’t airlift out is your responsibility. Clear?” She commanded, watching the Governess’s thugs like a shark as her girls disarmed and secured them. At this point, Evelra honestly didn’t expect them to try anything else; but as always with humans, one never quite knew what they’d do.
​
“Affirmative!” Quixana replied. Taking a moment to ensure the woman she was treating wasn’t in immediate danger, the medic ushered another marine over to help and began shouting orders of her own. Two down. Satisfied that the situation was under control, Evelra keyed into her comms again.
​
“Prex, Sitrep.”
​
A couple moments later, the other woman’s voice came to life in her earpiece. “After the gunshots went off, the little fuckers started stumbling over each other to try and surrender. What in the Deep just happened?” Despite the horror around her, Evelra gave a short, mirthless chuckle. “Seems a certain… somebody decided to more than just ‘play’ at being security. And seeing as I still have my head, they’re not a complete bloodthirsty idiot.”
​
“You certain it’s… them?” Prex asked, a hint of dubiousness in her voice.
​
“Given that there’s one of the Governess’s thugs sans their head while I still have mine? Yeah. About as certain as I can be. Fits what little we know about their M.O.” Evelra shot back.
​
There were several long moments of silence before her subordinate let out a low whistle. “Make that three. I’ve got two more over here. Definitely explains why the little Turoxes were so fucking panicky. What now Cap?”
​
“How many of your Pods do you need to secure your prisoners?” Evelra asked.
​
“Less than half. They’re more terrified of stepping back into the sights of that sniper than anything else, I think.” Prexith snorted, a dry hint of amusement in her voice.
​
“Take as many as you think you can spare from guard duty and go arrest the Governess. Alive. Though preventing her from causing any more damage takes priority. Clear?” Evelra’s voice was firm, the unspoken message clear. Try not to kill the bitch if at all possible, but ice her tits if she’s going to make this a problem.
​
“As a laser lens. Prex out.”
​
When the line clicked dead, the marine captain took a deep breath and tried to center herself. Now came the hard part.
​
Politics.
​
= = =
​
Evelra stopped outside the governess’ office and took a deep breath to steady herself. Within two hours of getting the fiasco under control, one Agent Lohun had arrived… along with three Pods of Death’s Head Commandos. Upon giving him her report, the petite male had thanked her and politely requested that she remain in her quarters until further notice. The marine captain had known better than to try and test those particular boundaries. It was only now, three days later, that she’d been summoned once more.
​
In spite of the not quite lockdown state that was currently in effect, word still traveled. Her orders to arrest the governess had been upheld and the bitch had been transferred out to some Interior facility goddess knows where. A minimal local press release had happened; condemning the governess’ actions and requesting cooperation with the authorities as they investigated the incident. Things were still tense, but the daily gathering of thousands of protesters had dwindled to a hundred or so of the most stubborn.
​
With a little shake to clear her head, Evelra opened the office door and stepped through. Behind the governess’ massive polished wooden desk sat Lohun. The petite male was almost comically out of place; his simple take on the Interior uniform clashing with the room’s ostentatious opulence. Rumor had it that since he was investigating the room’s previous owner, he’d simply co-opted the office rather than bother to set up another workspace elsewhere. Looking up from his omnipad and what she assumed was a proverbial mountain of reports, the Agent gave her a tired nod of acknowledgement.
​
“Good. You’re here. Please, take a seat Captain D’saari.” He said, gesturing to a much simpler chair in front of the desk. Wincing internally at his usage of her long-abandoned family name, Evelra complied and settled into the offered seat in silence as she tried not to look at the silent woman in the corner with the three-eyed skull mask. Lohun gave his omnipad one last glance before setting it down and letting his carefully focused gaze settle onto her.
​
“Six deaths.” He stated simply, letting the fact hang there in the air for a moment. “Only half of which were not the aggressors in this situation. That could have gone much, much worse. A job well done Captain.”
​
Evelra gave an awkward shrug. “Without the… unsolicited fire support it would have been. My girls just did the mop up.”
​
Lohun hummed, double-checking something on his omni-pad. “About that. The audio logs between you and your second indicated a certain familiarity with this assumed insurgent sniper, yet I can’t find any combat reports that you two share featuring any opposition with this kind of firepower. Care to explain what I’m missing here?” He asked calmly, a polite smile on his face; the Commando in the corner shifting her weight slightly.
​
Right. That.
​
A bundle of nerves did somersaults in her gut as she felt her throat go dry. “Ah, yeah. About… one local year ago we had a human male turn up dead. Clear signs of abuse. Autopsy report indicated he had both Nightfel and Viagra in him at the time of death. I had my suspicions, but the ensuing investigation never turned up any evidence.” The marine captain grimaced, scratching at one tusk with her thumbnail. “A few months later, A pod on a routine patrol got ambushed. All three of their heads were blown clean off. Big gun. I think you can guess what we found when we cleared out their belongings.”
​
“Nightfel and Viagra.” Lohun said cooly, his face grim.
​
Evelra nodded. “Yeah. The Governess covered the whole thing up in the name of keeping the peace. Released a statement that the young man’s murderers had been found and executed while redacting my report.”
​
Briefly adding a few notes on his omnipad, the Interior agent gave her a careful look. “Why didn’t you report this breach of protocol to the Interior?”
​
“Because it worked.” Evelra sighed. “Approval ratings ticked up, minor incidents went down. Didn’t hurt that I also publicly doubled down on mandatory etiquette training for my girls. I’ve seen enough of the Empire’s bureaucracy over the years to know better than to stir up the seabed over something like this. Justice was served, even if it was in a less than ideal manner.”
​
“And what about the young man’s family?” Lohun pressed, his gaze tightening.
​
Coughing slightly to clear her throat, Evelra looked away as she felt her cheeks heat up. “Officially, they were given the same story as everyone else. However, I… I may have taken one Shel to visit their home and correct that mistake. They deserved to know.” She finished quietly, leaning forward in her chair to look down at the ground. Anywhere but at the male in front of her.
​
After several agonizingly long moments of silence, the marine captain glanced up to catch sight of Lohun slowly starting to nod. “Good. That’s good. We can work with that.”
​
At his words, Evelra let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. In response, a ghost of a smile pulled at the edges of Lohun’s face. “Yes, you can relax now. You’re here to help me fix this mess, not to have your tits burned off.”
​
Evelra bobbed her head, eager for the change of topic. “Gladly. What can I do?”
​
The ghost of a smile on Lohun’s face broadened slightly, hovering on the edge of a smirk. “Simple. You will be taking over as the Local Governess.” The marine captain felt her jaw go slack as the Interior Agent calmly continued along as if he was discussing something as simple as dinner reservations.
​
“Of course, there’s a plethora of steps to take along the way. In recognition of your service to the citizens of the empire, you will be promoted two ranks to Lieutenant Colonel and discharged with full honors. We’ll then need somebody to fill your current position. One Sergeant… Prexith Van’sar, your current second, should do nicely. With her service record she's certainly earned herself a commission, I think.” He scoffed in amusement, shaking his head at some distant thought. “Deep, her accolades are almost as impressive as her penchant for avoiding promotions. It’s my hope though that continuing to work with you should be enough to dissuade her of that particular tendency.”
​
Lohun finally took a proper pause, as if he was only now taking in her shock. “Is something the matter Captain D’saari?”
​
As Evelra heard him refer to her by her family name again something inside her broke. The sheer absurdity of it all was just too much, and a noise of amusement escaped her mouth. It started as a snort, before growing into a full-on barks of laughter as Evelra shook her head in disbelief. “I- I’m sorry, but you want me, the legally disowned, stiff-sprung cunt to be a local governess? Goddess, you all must be getting desperate if you’re willing to dredge up the cast-off chaff of the noble houses.”
​
Lohun merely quirked an eyebrow at her before briefly consulting his omnipad again. “So that explains the three separate attempts to change your last name… aannd probably why all three of them never went anywhere.” He let out a small humph as a flicker of distaste crossed his face. “An easy enough fix.”
​
“Goddess. You’re serious.” Evelra muttered as she slumped back in her chair, trying to process the implications. “Ok. Why me?” She asked, throwing a hand wide.
​
The Interior agent’s gaze focused in on her as he leaned forward onto the table, steepling his fingers. “Because Captain, over the past three days I have spent an exhaustive amount of time interviewing and interrogating people to get a better handle on what happened and why. Your name came up just as, if not, more frequently than the governess’s; and rarely in a negative light. From both Shil’vati and humans. Deep, even some of the ones that looked like they wanted to spit in my face refused to speak ill of you. Do you understand how goddess-damned rare that is?” Lohun finished, his voice raised and projected, not quite reaching an actual shout.
​
Evelra was sorely tempted to argue. She’d spent most of her adult life trying to get as far away from the nobility and politics as she could, as nothing good in her life had ever come from them. Then her conversation with Isaiah flashed through her mind. Fuck. The marine captain let out a disgusted groan of frustration as she rubbed her face with one hand. “Alright… but how?” She asked, her brain fervently grasping at straws. “I mean no offense, but… isn’t that a little outside your authority as an Interior Agent?..”
​
Once more, a slight grin pulled at the agent’s face. “Ah yes. Perhaps some reintroductions are in order. Independent Investigator Lohun Vey’elquiese of the Empress’s own and an Agent of her Interior. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Lady Evelra?..” He said smoothly, letting the end of his sentence hang as he leaned across the massive table to offer a petite fist.
​
Oh.
​
For one long moment, Evelra’s brain short-circuited. The petite little male sitting across from her answered to only perhaps a dozen people in the entire Empire, and had the authority to make individuals such as system governesses simply disappear. Of course, abuse of said power carried the death penalty, not that one of the Empress’s own handpicked agents were likely to make that kind of mistake. Suddenly, the three pods of Death’s Head Commandos accompanying him made much, much more sense.
​
After a couple seconds of slight panic, her brain caught back up and she processed the question he’d carefully interwoven into his reintroduction. Taking a moment to think, she settled on her answer. With a slight smile of her own, she reached out her hand to tap her knuckles to his.
​
“Van’sar. Evelra Van’sar. And the pleasure is all mine Investigator.”

--- Table of Contents ---
Summer 4984, 13 Doumoth
“Ugh! I hate this!” Daisy whined loudly, letting her head fall back to stare at the ceiling.
“Almost done…” Rerves said to reassure her, though he lacked his usual smile.
Ania picked up the last piece of armor, a steel vambrace, and began polishing with a groan to match Daisy’s, “When we aren’t cleaning, we're polishing, when we aren’t polishing, we're cleaning. How is this Paladin training?”
“If I wanted to be a servant, I would've joined their guild…” Thom’s small voice chimed in.
Shon said nothing. The five Squires, Shon, Daisy, Thom, Rerves, and Ania, sat under a shade in the Temple courtyard, polishing the knights' spare armor for the hundredth time. The sun beat down mere feet away, reflecting off the finished pieces as the shadow of their shade crept closer and closer, the sun climbing towards noon. The yard was mostly clear, the Paladins not on duty retreating into the cool stone fortress while those on duty only occasionally coming to check on the Squires' progress.
Ania had the right of it. Ever since they'd moved into the Temple proper and became official Squires, the five of them had done nothing but clean, polish, and memorize armor and weapon vocabulary. And complain… the others always complained. Shon just sighed as the four others continued to gripe. There was no point in it, the work needed to be done, and they were the ones assigned to do it. It didn’t matter how annoying or monotonous it might be.
Sometimes the younger Paladins would join them in polishing, caring for their own armor while the Squires worked on the spare pieces. The spares were used mainly by the enlisted, and only if they hadn’t finished buying their own sets yet. Occasionally a Paladin would check out a set to practice with. Although most of them had a preferred style, they needed to stay proficient with all types. At least that meant only half of the pieces the Squires had to clean were still polished from the day before. If the armor was never used, it really would be a useless task, instead of half useless as it seemed now.
The Paladins never complained…
The Squires hadn’t started out tired and annoyed. Daisy and Shon had been joined after their first week by Thom and Rerves, who both came from the capital city. They'd been friends growing up, Rerves was a noble, and Thom's family worked as their personal stewards, one step up from servants. A week after that, Ania arrived from a small village in the south. Only having known one Paladin and having never seen a proper Temple before, she'd been in awe of the fortress Temple of the city for at least a month. But then the excitement had given way to frustration, and -for Shon at least- boredom. And so the others had started complaining.
Their relationship with each other had started out warm enough. They stayed up late into the night, sharing their histories and dreams of their future as full Paladins. Shon joined them when prompted but mostly preferred to listen. He didn’t think he had any stories worth sharing, though they had bombarded him with questions after Veon-Zih’s first training visit. Just like everyone else, they didn’t seem to know how to deal with Shon’s quiet nature. But unlike everyone else, they hadn’t pulled away and stopped talking to him altogether. Except when they complained. Shon never complained. He didn’t see the point. When asked, he would say that they needed to follow orders. So they'd stopped asking him.
Shon held his last piece of steel plate carefully by the leather straps, wiping the last bit of polish off with a clean rag. He could see his reflection distorted by the curves and dings, and wondered if he could manage to draw the changes accurately when given a chance. The tinking of metal on metal sounded in the distance, and the Squires' heads shot up, followed by their bodies as they scrambled to their feet to salute the woman approaching.
General Rasnah was resplendent as always in her uniform, the chains of office clinking on her shoulders. She walked towards the Squires with her head held high and her hands clasped behind her back. With her was Master Veon-Zih and Shon felt his spirits rise just a little higher.
“At ease, Squires.” Sir Rasnah said as she drew to a stop just outside their shade. She waited until they'd taken the formal 'at ease' position, legs shoulder-width apart and hands clasped behind their back, “Report.”
Rerves took charge, as usual, “Sir, we're nearly done, Sir.”
“Just one piece left, Sir,” Ania added, then blushed furiously as she usually did whenever addressing a high-ranking officer.
Sir Rasnah nodded, then glanced to the sky. She then looked to Veon-Zih, who smiled and shrugged. Her lips turned up on half her face in what could almost be called a grin before she cleared it, serious again as she addressed the Squires, “You may have the afternoon off. Report to the kitchens and evening duties before sixth bell.”
“Sir, yes, Sir!” the Squires spoke in unison, Shon’s four fellows grinning broadly and sneaking happy glances at one another.
They held their positions until Sir Rasnah turned away, walking back to the Temple proper and leaving them to their freedom. Veon-Zih remained behind, smiling warmly at them and addressing Shon, “Lunch? I found a fine eatery a few blocks away.”
Shon nodded, finally smiling with the rest, “And practice?” he asked.
“After food,” Veon-Zih answered, stepping aside and gesturing towards the gates. Shon rushed to help the others put the clean and polished armor away, then jogged to Veon-Zih before falling into step with him as they left the Temple.
Veon-Zih waited until they were well clear of the gates before asking, “So what do you think of your fellow Squires?”
Shon sighed in answer, which made Veon-Zih chuckle for some reason. But the sigh hadn’t really answered the question, so Shon said, “They complain a lot.” he probably could have, and should have, come up with something nicer to say. But after hours of hearing them gripe while they worked, it was the only thing on Shon’s mind.
“There's nothing wrong with complaining, you know.” Veon-Zih mused. Shon merely shook his head. The knights never complained; he'd been watching them. If there was a job that needed to be done, they would do it. His fellow Squires seemed to complain before, during, and after every unpleasant assignment. Though never in front of the Paladin giving it.
“Do you honestly think the knights like polishing armor? Do you like polishing that much? Maybe you should've come to the Monastery after all. We don’t wear armor, but we have many fine statues that all need to be polished every day. Every little nook and cranny scrubbed clean and shining.”
He glanced at Shon with a grin, then leaned over to whisper, “They hate it too, but just like your fellows won’t complain in front of them, they won’t complain in front of you.”
“It needs to be done…” Shon tried to argue, though it sounded hollow considering his own, though silent, annoyance.
“A perfect excuse,” Veon-Zih stated, turning sharply down a side road, so Shon had to jog to keep up, “There are many reasons spare armor needs to be polished. The most obvious is that it's needed to stay in good repair. The task is assigned to Squires because it gets you intimately familiar with armor beyond just naming the parts. And because no one else wants to do it.
“That doesn’t mean we should be complaining about it…”
“Not in front of the officers, no. But amongst each other? Why not?”
Shon furrowed his brow but didn’t have an answer. Veon-Zih gave him one, “Joint misery creates companionship. Even if you have nothing else in common, everyone knows you all hate polishing already clean armor. Right now, I bet your fellow Squires are scratching their heads, wondering if you do actually enjoy the task. Some might even be wondering if they're worthy of being Squires. Since they complain, and you don’t.”
Shon’s steps faltered. Would they really think he was more worthy than them? For something so trivial as chores? He had to rush to catch up and argued, “But there's no point in complaining. We have to do it anyway.”
Veon-Zih sighed and stopped walking. He waited for Shon to turn to him then said, “But my statement still stands. Joint misery creates companionship. Your fellows take a risk in voicing their complaints to you, hoping that they're not alone in their opinions. What if they're the only ones who hate it? What if that really does mean they aren’t meant for the Temple? Just because they can channel divine magic doesn’t mean Hengist will choose them.”
Shon let himself ponder that for a while. The other Squires always seemed so sure of themselves, so excited to begin real training. Did they really have doubts and fears the same as he did? And what did that say about his assumptions? That they would complain and the knights didn’t? Was he actually judging his fellows as unworthy without realizing it?
“The Paladins really complained when they were Squires too?” he asked.
“I guarantee it.” Veon-Zih answered and started walking again, “I know I did, and all the other Monks in my class too.” he chuckled, “Sometimes routines like cleaning and polishing can be meditative. You can let your mind wander while your hands work through the familiar motions. But before you get to that point, or if you would rather be doing something of your choosing, then it's nothing but monotonous work. Necessary work, but still work.”
Following Veon-Zih around another corner, Shon pondered his Master’s words. They got all the way to the little eatery the Monk had been looking for, even took their seats, and gave their orders before Shon spoke again.
“I hate platemail the most…” he said. Veon-Zih arched an eyebrow at him, and he continued, “It’s bulky, and there's just so much of it. Then as soon as you're done, someone moves it aside and gets fingerprints on it again. Chainmail isn’t much better. You can’t see the fingerprints, but it’s hard to get the oil between the links. And yet water obviously has no problem with it because that’s where all the rust is.”
Veon-Zih laughed boisterously, throwing his head back and startling those at the closest table, “I hated the creases in the palms of the statues the most,” Veon-Zih held up his hand, his forefinger and thumb forming a circle, the other fingers extended, “how can so much dust cake itself in such a small space in only a day?” he complained, dropping his hand and shaking his head.
The waitress brought them their stew and drinks, and Shon started eating while Veon-Zih thanked her. Picking up his spoon, the Monk paused as he dipped it into his bowl, musing, “I wonder which parts your fellow Squires dislike the most?” Shon didn’t know, but he wanted to. Would they agree with him that the plate was the most frustrating? Daisy seemed to groan loudest at the leather, but their complaining always seemed to be general moans at the work as a whole…
“Maybe I’ll ask,” Shon mumbled, embarrassed for some reason.
“Or,” Veon-Zih took his first bite, then pointed at Shon with his spoon, “you could just tell them your least favorite, and they will open up and share their own.”
That’s what they expected of him, wasn’t it? They expected him to join in the conversation, not just answer questions… Shon could only nod.
***
Shon had grown so much. It was difficult for Veon-Zih to watch him without smiling. Only a head shorter than his Master, Veon-Zih could still see the ten-year-old oddity he'd spied upon almost four years ago in the church courtyard. And yet, he had grown so much. Veon-Zih wondered if anyone else could see it.
They practiced in one of the parks in the noble’s district. Veon-Zih thought it was important that Shon get out of Temple whenever possible, that he see the city and its people, to remember what he was training for, and why he wanted to fight. Shon was more like Veon-Zih, and his order of Monks than the boy would ever know. Or admit. He strove for perfection. Every punch, kick, and kata they worked through needed to go exactly right, or he would do it again. Like many Monks, Shon found true enjoyment in the process of working and growing better than his past self. But he was also different in a critical way. Shon wanted to use his strength. Wanted to protect people, fight evil. Many Monks never left the Monastery. A single Grandmaster could easily fell a small raiding force alone. Yet, so many chose not to fight outside their sparring rings and training.
Even Veon-Zih hadn’t left the Monastery because he wanted to help those locked outside its walls. He'd left because he believed he couldn't attain the perfection he strove for inside them. He'd wanted to be tested by the world, to rise to the challenges life presented and overcome them with his discipline and practice. Along the way, he'd learned to be more like Shon was naturally. He'd made friends from other orders, and saved countless non-combatants. Only after seeing the results of his fights, the grateful families reunited, had he realized the moral folly in his fellows and in himself.
They practiced and even sparred until well after fifth bell. The display at first earned them a few disapproving glares from the nobles and servants passing the park. Then they'd actually attracted a few spectators, who clapped as though watching a show. Shon blushed furiously at this, his pale cheeks growing pink as he tilted his head down, trying to let what was left of his now short hair slip down to hide his face. Yet, he never lost step or stopped the training. Veon-Zih had barely resisted laughing, though if more at the foolish watchers or his embarrassed student, he wasn’t sure.
Veon-Zih finally called their training to a halt, and Shon glowered at him. The boy had nearly gotten in his first solid hit in their sparring and was obviously reluctant to stop after making such progress. “It’s nearly time for you to get back, and Sir Rasnah will not accept me as an excuse for tardiness.” Shon’s eyes went wide, and fear replaced the look of frustration on his face. He ran his fingers through his hair, looking up at the sky to try and gauge the hour.
Veon-Zih chuckled, “I’ll race you back.” he said, a hint of mischief seeping through his voice. Shon arched an eyebrow and Veon-Zih could practically hear his thoughts. Run? Through town? You must be joking. “There's no law against running,” Veon-Zih argued with the boy’s expression, “Every moment offers us an opportunity to train. We're late, so this is the perfect opportunity to test our speed against time and run.”
Shon alternated his arched brow to the other side, looking down the road then back to Veon-Zih before confirming, “A race?”
In answer, Veon-Zih ran. He sprinted past Shon -though not at his full speed- before slowing down just enough to keep things fair. Shon bolted after him. Nobles, servants, and even a few guards gasped and called out in indignation as Veon-Zih and Shon swerved around them on the wide roads of the nobles' quarter. They were forced to slow when they reached the more densely packed streets in the city center. Shon was careful to run around the people doing their shopping but kept his eyes set ahead, planning his route and scaring those who noticed him out of the way with his intense blue stare. Veon-Zih was much more confident in his ability not to hit people and so brushed much closer, never quite knocking into them but often brushing their clothes as he passed.
Ahead a cart laden with crates and barrels ambled across the thoroughfare, and Shon slowed to a jog, trying to run around it. Veon-Zih lept, landing on his hands on the cart and propelling himself up and over before hitting the ground again and continuing the race. He heard the merchant curse and the bystanders gasp in surprise but was more amused at the growl of frustration that came from his student, who put on an extra burst of speed to try and catch up. Veon-Zih was half tempted to let him and half tempted to sprint all out and leave the boy in his dust. He chose to do neither and just laughed, continuing at the pace he'd set and soon coming into view of the Temple gates.
The Paladins on watch saw him coming and exchanged confused and nervous glances, drawing their swords but not barring his path. Veon-Zih didn’t slow his run until he reached the knights. Turning to the side and planting his feet, he slid past them on the cobblestones. Turning back as he slid to a stop, he found one of the Paladins facing him as though ready to fight and the other facing out as though looking for whatever force had sent Veon-Zih sprinting for the Temple.
Shon slowed to a jog and stopped before the knight facing him, breathing hard. “What’s going on? Squire report.” the Paladin demanded, still holding his sword at the ready.
Shon had to take a moment to catch his breath but eventually managed to gasp out, “Race…” before looking absolutely horrified at what he'd just done and said. “Sir…” he added quietly as if that might somehow make his unconventional arrival more acceptable.
“And you managed to keep up with him?” Sir Rasnah appeared from beyond the gate, arching a steely eyebrow and drawing sharp salutes from the Paladin guards who finally sheathed their swords.
“I went easy on him,” Veon-Zih assured her, earning a glare from Shon, who passed through the gates, still breathing deeply but no longer gasping for air. Veon-Zih hadn’t even broken a sweat.
Rasnah looked between the Master and student, finally settling on Shon, “Oh, don’t look at him like that, Squire. Master Veon-Zih could beat a riderless horse in a foot race.” which drew a befuddled look from Shon and a laugh from Veon-Zih.
“General Rasnah, Sir,” another man ran towards the gates wearing the uniform of an enlisted. A messenger from the city gates.
“It seems today is a good day for running,” Veon-Zih quipped as the guards allowed the man to pass and give his report.
“A wyvern has been spotted over the woods near Lakeland,”
Sir Rasnah didn’t respond right away. She narrowed her eyes at the messenger and spoke to Shon, “You have duties, Squire, hop to it.”
Shon saluted, though Rasnah still wasn’t looking at him. He glanced at Veon-Zih curiously, then turned to follow the orders.
Veon-Zih hesitated but decided to follow Shon. If he was needed, Rasnah would let him know.
“A wyvern?” Shon asked in a whisper.
“An abomination,” Veon-Zih explained, “Monstrous beasts with a body as large as a wagon, not including the tail. They fly like birds and will hunt anything that strays into their territory, including humans.”
Shon’s brow furrowed, and Veon-Zih patted him on the shoulder, “It'll be alright. They rarely attack settlements unless they're starving.” Which was good because a single wyvern could destroy a small town.
“What will the Temple do?” Shon asked as they reached the back door to the kitchens.
“That depends… most likely, they'll send a group to the village and watch the skies.”
“They won’t hunt it?”
“Maybe, and maybe not. Wyverns are dangerous enough that it’s a real risk to hunt one, but they also can’t be allowed to harm nearby towns. The Temple of Saint Giorgos will want it destroyed, but Sir Rasnah won’t needlessly risk her men if it isn’t necessary.” Veon-Zih explained.
Shon thought for a moment, then asked, “Have you ever fought a wyvern?”
Veon-Zih tried to make his smile reassuring, "Twice. Though I would rather not try a third time if it can be avoided.”
***
“Red, what're you doing?” Ran asked.
She rolled Her eyes, focusing again on what She was doing and not bothering to answer him. Her fingers ached, but She worked them into the cracks between the stones of the tower wall, shifting Her weight from one hand to the other and searching out the next handhold.
Brom laughed, and She heard the slap and woosh of breath as he pat Ran on the back hard enough to knock the air from the thinner man’s lungs, “Can’t you tell? She’s climbing!”
“Sort of…” Ran mumbled.
She wasn’t climbing up the wall, as much as She wanted to. Instead, She was up only about a foot off the ground and working Her way sideways around the tower. “Afraid of falling, Red?” Ran asked instead. That question was even more stupid than the last, and She arched Her neck back, holding tight to the wall and looking at him upside down.
“Really?” She asked in response to his denseness. He should know She wouldn’t be afraid of falling. She had fallen many times when She'd braved climbing the trees around the perimeter. Even broke Her arm once, and that hadn’t stopped Her from trying again with the splint still on. But that was when they used to let Her out more often, about once every other week. No, the thing that kept Her from climbing up the wall was the same thing that had stopped Her climbing trees. The same thing that stopped Her running around the tower at top speed while Brom or Ran kept time and She tried to beat Her record. And the same thing that kept Her from even crossing the tree line to play pretend in the woods.
Ran had the decency to look embarrassed, realizing his mistake eventually. There was only one thing that ever stopped Her from doing what She wanted, and even that often took multiple ‘lessons’ each time. Morndancer had grown increasingly erratic and more often violent of late. He would mutter to himself in draconic then give opposite orders to the journeymen and apprentices in common. Though everyone in the tower spoke both languages. He would lock himself in his room for days and hadn’t been back to visit his family or the Mages Guild in weeks. Shaloon would cover for him, but she wasn’t much better, cutting holes in reality and staring into the outer plains for hours on end, whispering. Half her words in draconic and the other half in common, mixing the languages in the same sentence.
Brom and Ran had refused to talk to Her about it, but She had listened at Her door when they thought She was sleeping. The Archmages were going mad. The eventual cost of power, they said. Though neither seemed upset that the same would happen to them eventually. Perhaps their lack of concern was the first sign they'd already started.
She continued Her climb, putting Her worries about Brom and Ran’s sanity out of Her mind for the time being. She would have plenty of time to stew about it when She was locked in Her room. For now, She wanted to enjoy being outside in the brief summer warmth.
A burst of sudden wind from above set Her hair whipping about Her face and nearly cost Her grip on the stones. Squeezing Her eyes shut, She tried to shake Her hair back, blowing at the strands against another huge gust before something heavy shook the ground behind her. She let Her head fall back again, so Her hair fell away from Her face, and She could see what had come upside down. The sight caused Her to fall off the wall.
Landing hard on Her backside, She scrambled to Her feet in a mix of awe and horror. A monster large enough to fill Her entire room and then some, stood in the clearing around the tower. It had a long sinuous neck and dull brown scales. It walked on great taloned legs in the back and the joints of its leathery wings in the front. It snapped at Archmage Shaloon as she jumped from its neck to the ground, its teeth as long as daggers and looking just as sharp. It didn’t bite the Archmage, who ignored it as she approached the journeymen.
“What are you three doing out here?” she demanded, mixing draconic with common and glaring at the two men who, for some reason, looked ashamed despite the permission they'd gotten to be out today.
The Firewyrm ignored the question, asking one of Her own, “What is that?” She pointed at the monster, not sure if She felt sad or disgusted at the sight of it. Both seemed odd emotions to have at the sight of a beast that could eat Her in two bites.
Fingers snapped, and She flinched, reaching for Her collar. The monster let out a strangled roar, thrashing its head wildly, its own copper collar shimmering with light and magic. “Another failure of our predecessors, thousands of years ago.” Morndancer exited the tower, his robes billowing around him.
Another snap, and the Firewyrm flinched again. But Shaloon just snorted, sneering at the other Archmage after stopping his torment of her mount, “The north-western Talon was gracious enough to lend us this sample after years of training. It should come in handy with the local draken who worship its kind as gods.” the beast snarled at the humans just out of reach but didn’t step any closer, digging its talons deeper into the ground and hissing, “It was a great success after the slaying. We’ve only had one greater.” she glanced at the Firewyrm who tilted Her head at the two of them, curious for more but sure they wouldn’t give it to Her.
Archmage Morndancer dismissed the defense of the monster’s existence with a snort, “And yet we are still facing the same problems as those before us. What information do you have?”
“A storm hit out at sea, and there are signs of another possibly brewing in Halakon.”
Ran swallowed nervously, and Brom stuttered, “Should we…?”
“No.” Morndancer answered the unfinished question, “There is only one thing that can stop these storms, and we are the only ones willing to make the sacrifices to do it.” he turned away from them, returning to the tower door before glancing over his shoulder, “Get back inside, we need more samples if we are to make up for our own successful failure.”
***
“Saint Giorgos says the wyverns are the last vestiges of the dragon’s evil in the skies…” Sir Rasnah sipped her tea thoughtfully.
Father Branston snorted, “Yes yes, and drakes are their evil on land, and leviathans their evil at sea. They are beasts, Rasnah, as old as memory.”
“Branston's right,” Veon-Zih shrugged, rolling his teacup between his hands, “They're terrible beasts with some magic to them, but they're no more intelligent than a drakwalf or horse.”
They sat together in Father Branston’s office to enjoy warm tea and a colorful sunset through his massive windows. But none of them could really relax with the news of a wyvern flying around the woods to the north. Just to the west of Hamerfoss.
“They've been known to hunt for sport,” Rasnah reminded them, her face pained at the memory.
“So do house cats.”
“House cats don’t pick off entire barbarian tribes over the course of a week.”
"I'm sure they would if they could,"
Branston sighed, reaching for his teapot and pouring himself another cup, “What will you do? If you need healers, I have a few skilled enough to go.”
Rasnah sighed, rubbing her forehead and resting her cup in her lap, “Perhaps one. I’ll send a group to watch. If it's sighted again, we'll have to do something.”
Veon-Zih cleared his throat to get her attention and arched a questioning eyebrow her way. The Paladin returned the look with a smile and said, “I will make sure they have a sending stone. If you're needed, I’m sure they'll wait for you to arrive before seeking it out.” her smile faded, and she stared into her cup, “If they really are vestiges of dragons then I suppose Saint Giorgos is right and all of them were evil.”
“Having a crisis of faith, Rasnah?” Branston asked softly, but with a smile, “Legends say Hengist was allied with goodly dragons.”
“Dragons of Gold and Silver and all the precious metals,” Veon-Zih finished for him, then added, “None of that matters anymore. All we can do is face the challenges life presents us with in the here and now.”
“Of course,” Rasnah agreed, looking up at her old friends and managing a lopsided grin, “And now we have a wyvern possibly claiming territory in our forests. Do you think Daunas will want to join the hunt? If necessary,” she added at the end.
“Mung's boy? He’s still stationed at Hamerfoss then?” Branston asked.
Veon-Zih chuckled, “I don’t believe he would forgive you if you didn’t let him.” his chuckle died, and the three gazed mournfully out the window. Remembering their last wyvern fight, and their friend lost in bringing it down. It had been their last adventure together.
-End of Part 1-
--- Table of Contents ---
All comments and are welcome and wanted.

I’m (26F) married for 11 months to a person (28M) I chose. I was brought up in a family where my father was mostly away. My mother was very young when she conceived me, she was a teen. So you can realise the trauma i might have been through. To give an idea, after turning 15 I came to know my mother was r**ed by my father. So I’ve my own struggles coping with all these. I developed anxiety, co-dependency. My past relationships didn’t help either. A 7 yr relationship ended because of my ex’s addiction problem. So I really struggle with believing people, or their intentions with me.
However, a year ago I decided to marry a person I’ve known for over a decade. He was a friend and when things turned romantic I was head over heels for him. The transition was so smooth. There was no awkwardness. But the red flags I ignored was love bombing, him turning away just a few months after we got together. I also saw a controlling side of him. He can get very possessive and angry. He’s very rigid with what he believes in. If I’m being honest I didn’t take much time exploring our relationship. I had good faith in him as he has been an amazing friend, our chemistry was spot on. But he has this cycle where he will get angry at the smallest things i.e me being upset/distant. And I’ve believed for a long time I cause his anger. I’ve tried to mend my “ways” like limiting my alone time or not becoming silent and addressing the issues. But nothing seems to help. His pattern is always the same, he gets angry, he screams at me, he says very hurtful things, he blames me for his actions but then he APOLOGISES!! Admits he was wrong and promises to never do this again. But this cycle doesn’t stop.
To give an idea, A few days before we got married, he pointed out how my family wasn’t doing anything “special” for him, which really hurt me. As I had to sacrifice a lot, and had zero demands from him. I was very understanding about the whole situation and all I really wanted was to marry the love of my life, that was my only focus. And so the most expenses in my wedding was done by my family. I bought him expensive gifts with my own money, I also shared the hotel booking cost with him for our nuptial night. Even if you keep these financial responsibilities aside, our whole wedding was planned and executed to every details by me only. I had just gotten into a job but managed to do do it all in less than 3 weeks. And after we got married, my father paid every expense for me to be with him in a foreign country where he is pursuing his masters. I left my family, friends, country all of it so we could be together. And i did all of these HAPPILY for him.
But during that argument, just two days before our wedding, he got a little handsy with me for the first time. Grabbing my face/neck, telling me how he is to blame for giving me so much “courage” to disrespect him. Simply ‘cause I told him he was small minded for even thinking like that. Because I was very hurt by it. It seemed like he was taking all of these for granted. And since we got married this has happened atleast 4 times. He has promised to see a therapist for this, because he too believed he needs it. But it’s been weeks and he doesn’t make effort. Tonight I brought it up and he told me how hard I am on him, How much I hurt him, How I’m not doing enough for him.
I’m not in a good headspace to write but if I summarise my abusiveness-

1. I am toxic as in I become silent when I can’t emotionally cope with a situation.
   
2. I give silent treatment that can be hurtful.
   
3. If he uses sentences like “you’ll never change” “you are so hard on me” “nothing will make you happy” I get extremely triggered and my reactions can be ugly. I get very confrontational and I get really angry too.
   
4. If we fight I always bring up previous issues (that still haven’t been resolved).
   
5. I jump to conclusions very easily. I use sentences like: I will leave you if this continues. Or that I will go back to my parents. Or you’ve ruined my life.
   
6. One time I during our fight I got scared that he might hit me, so I pushed him, hit him in the chest telling him to get away. But he hadn’t really hit me. And this made him cry uncontrollably. (But I’ve never repeated it and I will never again do this to a person I love so wholeheartedly.)
   
7. Whenever he starts shouting I try to leave the room this causes him to hold me down.
   

I have really been trying to acknowledge and minimise my toxicity to make this work. But I hardly ever start a fight or even If do I don’t make things nasty. I always hope it will go as a normal conversation where I’ll be heard and understood. And if not I won’t be abused at-least. I’ve really tried to communicate things to him instead of going silent but it seems like that causes more argument.
30 mins ago I was uncontrollably sobbing and looking down from the terrace in a trance thinking of jumping off.. simply cause I am not being able to process. I know tomorrow morning I’ve to patch things up with him and accept his apologies and move on. And things will be good for another week too until it’s not. I’m going crazy trying to figure out where I’m wrong? It’s like no matter what I do or say can be turned against me. And all the pain and hard work I go through seems meaningless.
Note: I’m in a foreign country with him and I don’t have health insurance. So I can’t access therapy or seek professional help if I want to. I’m supporting myself with a small job since he’s a student. So don’t suggest psychiatrist or therapy for me. We also can’t go into couple counselling. Please share your valuable opinions/suggestions on what to do.
Tl;dr: Even though my husband has anger issues who gets angry for the smallest thing and sometimes gets a little handsy, I am still unsure if I’m playing any role to cause it. I don’t react loudly like him but I get distant. I give silent treatment. I try to get up and leave mid-argument if he starts shouting. I bring up previous issues in fight that haven’t been resolved. I jump to conclusions and threaten to leave him when things turn ugly between us.